Pico de Orizaba

Pico de Orizaba
Taken from Huatusco, Veracruz, the closest town to Margarita's family's ranch.

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

One of Mother's Many Commentaries; My Response

Mother, I didn't expect you to understand all the connections. 

But first:

Do you remember Craig and Jen’s wedding when we, You, Randi and I, were approaching a new bridal party with the bride in the middle and you blurted out WHAT AN UGLY BRIDE!  We were all horrified!  Why?  Because that was HER day and you just did something horrible for that bride…  Do you remember saying THAT?  Can you imagine how she felt?  You can’t put yourself in her shoes?  No you can’t.

Well, back to your not understanding the connections:

I met Mónica who connected me with Michael.  I fled Mónica and was connected with Laura.  I connected Laura with Michael who connected Michael with Manolo.  Manolo connected Michael with Las Cañadas and indirectly with Margarita.  Michael connected me with Las Cañadas and more directly with Margarita.  I disconnected with Mónica who disconnected me with Laura.  Had I not met Mónica, I would not have met Margarita, very basic and simple math. 

The question is, had my father (Your Husband) not died when I was 4-years-old, would that have protected me against you sexually abusing me? 

Granted, you'll deny having THAT conversation with me too, since you deny all that is inconvenient for you and your image about your self, like what you wrote in the other comment about you not imagining yourself saying what you said about me not returning to New Jersey with my Mexican wife. 

As I've said before, the child abuser denies having sexually abused his niece and the whole family negates it too.  The courts struggle to accept the young woman's word against her whole family and justice is not completed. Why not?  Because it is many words against the memory of the so-called victim.  If she doesn't have anyone on her side to varify her claims, she is guilty of inventing the trauma...  Do you know what it took for the courts to penalize Michelle's father for raping her brother, his son?  How much did her brother plead with her and his mother to open their mouths?  In the end, he committed suicide... 

What is the connection with Henry? 

Henry was the only of my relatives willing to reason within the explosion between me and the rest of you in 2006.  He was the only relative who believed that something should be done to help Margarita and I...  But he died.  And not long after he died, Chris appeared.  I don't remember that appearance.  But, like your lack of memory about what you can't imagine yourself saying, that doesn't negate his appearance that July.  He then reappeared the following March, took interest in our endeavor and in our difficulties and in our risk and asked questions, made suggestions and offered solutions.  He was a stranger.  All of you are family.  But you don't need to be a rocket scientist to understand that there are many families that aren't supportive of nor considerate towards their family members. 

I've been as cordial as I can be with you during your visits because I feel that there is no way of telling you, Mom, don't come.  I removed all of my family members from Facebook because I got tired of their repeating the same game of falseness and denile.  Craig asked me for the umfmost time to be his friend in Facebook and for the umfmost time he didn't say a word.  Beth suggested visiting us with her boyfriend and her children.  I wrote her a letter mentioning all the possibilities and wrote her a letter explaining that I had spoken with a friend of mine who manages a sales office in a resort in Playa del Carmen who told me that she no longer works there but would be more than happy to help us find a good hotel and to show us around.  But that she only needed to know the date and how many people would be coming to that Carribean town. And I received two silent responses from Beth, meaning that she NEVER responded.  What you and the rest of your people don't understand is that our life here is not a game.  We make time for you, we consider your needs.  But you don't do the same, as you never had with me after dad died.  And you think it's fine to sweep YOUR MESS under the rug...  It's just so difficult for you to understand.  And how about Sheri asking me to call Donald from Mexico to New Jersey because they wanted our help to create their new business endeavor and when I told her that I had only 2 weeks for being able to ship them the coffee berries because the harvest was coming to a close for the year and because the fair in Tepic was about to start and I needed her to give me her UPS account # or find a means of economic shipping I received months of silence.  I asked her what was happening and silence or passing the buck.  It wasn't until you visited us a year later that I understood that all had collapsed for them due to horrible management and interpersonal styles.  But she couldn't be considerate and inform me that the plans had changed and return my messages with an honest reply?  Your daughters are in your in crowd.  You all do the same thing.  I am frank and I tell it as it is on both sides, the negative and the positive.  So, I am the bad guy, I am wrong.  Do you remember your email to me in 2007 when you said that you don't believe in God nor spirits of your deceased brother and husband, although you so badly wanted a sign from Henry, that you believed that we only have one shot and that that is this life.  That you only have one shot and you've gotta do the best with it while you have the chance EVEN IF THAT MEANS YOU SACRIFICE ONE PERSON FOR THE OTHER, THAT OTHER BEING YOU. I don't believe I have only one shot. And for that reason, I believe that I must clean up my mess create order within this lifetime in order to begin cleanly in the next.  I don't believe in taking this crap with me.  

But, if you only have one shot, that means that you do what you can for yourself and who cares about what you leave behind.  And that's the problem with the American culture of individuality and hedonism.  Screw the environment, screw the industrializing nations, screw the regulations that protect everyone else from the few.  As long as you have your money in your bank account for your luxuries, who cares what happens in the lives of the so many others?  That's why Chris left the U.S. and that's why he helped us and others; because he understood just how fortunate he had been and he didn't understand why other people shouldn't also be fortunate.  After all, the inflation of the value of his property wasn't his doing, just as Bruce's money wasn't your doing.  But, what was your doing?  

I can write about both the highly impressive and the horribly destructive person I know as Marsha Norma Nacht Goldstein Davidson.  

But, the truth is that I have things I must do in order for Margarita and I to survive here in Mexico. Those things negate the ability for me to give you the wonderfully descriptive writing you think I am capable of producing.  Do you have any idea how many hours I am on the computer typing at lighting speed?  40 pages in 3 days.  Margarita and my mother-in-law yell "Ross, are you going to eat!?"  Margarita asks me when we will take a walk, when will we go into town to buy the groceries...  I live and feel in Spanish.  However, I am writing in English.  If you had immersed yourself in Italian those 3 years you lived in Italy, you would know that there are two switches and two energies connected with those respective languages...  My experience is in Mexican. I am translating it into English which is a very cold and semi-rigid language...  But, I am running against a clock.  Come August, I return to silent me, you asking me where I am and why you haven't heard from me.  But you are a ball of contradiction, hypocracy and denile.  And I have been tired of your game for a very long time.  And I am tired of being cordial with you saying yes because you are my mother and because MAYBE that is what I should do for you because you are my mother.  But, truthfully, what was it that you thought you should do for your son when he had just lost his father, when he told you that the kids were picking on him throughout elementary, middle-school and part of high school?  Your response to Uncle Stan's violence towards me when your husband, his younger brother and my father was dying at Sloan Kettering Cancer Center was to give him the $40,000 Social Security money given to you when dad died.  And instead of saying to Aunt Esta that she was wrong back in 2006, you defended her and you negated my experience one more time.  

And we always said yes to your visits when we truthfully meant NO.  Why? because you create a hell of a lot of stress and you don't listen and you are unwilling to understand.  And now that you are almost elderly, I have so much less faith that you will understand or remember.  We are always here in our honest struggle. And you are always there in your fantasies and your denile.  Take this to the grave terminating your ONE SHOT DEAL.

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