Pico de Orizaba

Pico de Orizaba
Taken from Huatusco, Veracruz, the closest town to Margarita's family's ranch.

Sunday, July 10, 2011

If I had to put a :( for every typo... Yes, I noticed you are originally from Florida. I spent 3 days in Pensacola when I was 15-years-old. Nice fantasy for an adolescent Jersey boy... I meantion the Carolines only because that's where you are. I didn't discover this information until I was well immersed in the culture here in Mexico. What I would do to be able to see those Veracruzanos where you are and be able to speak with them in their Veracruzano Español about where they come from and what I have experienced in those places. Everyone yearns for aspects of where they originally come from and they would never imagine that someone from the U.S. lives a Mexican life where they grew up... I say Mexican life because it is a traditional street-level life and struggle we know here. When Margarita and I married exactly 8 years ago, we had the equivalent of $100 USD between the two of us.And we started selling our baked goods door to door in Xalapa, Veracruz, I carried the boxes of Apple Cake, Banana Bread etc and Margarita spoke. I don't know if you noticed that I have a blog. Someone notified Facebook that my blog was offensive and Facebook stopped allowing me to publish it on my wall. Yes, I imagine there are aspects that are offensive. The blog is called "Dead Man Walking; Alive in Mexico". It's a response to an old question repeatedly asked and a new question asked over the past few months. The old question is, "Ross, how and why did you end up in Mexico?" The new question is "Ross, if Mexico has become so dangerous, why don't you return to the U.S. with Margarita?" I was inspired to writing the blog by an old friend who for some strange reason was looking me up on the internet and discovered a blog of mine I had forgotten created in 2005 "Pinche Gringo in Xalapa" that focussed primarily on my gourmet cupcake endeavor. Infact, there is a wonderful internet interview of me. I say that it is wonderful because interviewer asked me good questions for explaining our experience in Xalapa. The crazy thing is that I had totally forgotten about that blog until James mentioned it. In any case, James suggested I create a new blog memoirs titled something like "Hey Pinche Gringo, Why don't you just come home?" I thought the project would be relatively easy. However, I didn't understand the true reasons why I left the U.S. and why it was impossible for me to explain the how and why in a simple email... When I realized the complex truth about my leaving the U.S. and about my concerns about returning, I had a slight nervous breakdown. First I removed all of my relatives and people connected with them from Facebook and then I removed everyone else. This was May 30th. I removed 130 people! Why? Because the writing is not light-hearted stuff. The other day James wrote in the same morning, "I love your writing! It's very cathartic" and "Ross, you've gotta stop. It doesn't help you nor anyone else." He then mentioned that he had removed me from his facebook friends list and said, "I love you Ross." James is a psycho-therapist and a lover of The Beats and all of that artistic freedom. But, he couldn't handle what I was writing. That same day I received a bunch of commentaries on Facebook by women who had grown up with me in New Jersey saying that they loved my writing and how the story was unfolding. In fact, one of the mentioned some horrible things her mother had done and how she coped with that situation as an adult.  Those women didn't know what James had just written me in two separate emails. Today, there were a bunch of responses to what I wrote on my wall about Facebook blocking my blog, written by other people who went to school with me and one who is my spiritual connection with Margarita . They were incredibly supportive. But the blog is offensive in ways. I'm very frank and at times very angry, especially with my mother and relatives. But it's a journey from early childhood to July 10th 2011 and I must bring the reader here and there and inside my head. If I truly offend anyone, I am offending myself because I uncloth myself infront of everyone. Believe me, that is not such a nice sight...  Bueno, that's my concern.  In two weeks we return on the road with our 18 foot coffee bar.  We return to the danger zone and I won't have this luxury for writing all day and all night. So, I'm writing very quickly and jumping around with the inspiration of the moment. What the offended or "critics" don't understand is that normally you read a book after it has passed through many editors etc. You don't read the raw non-edited manuscript. This is my response to you mentioning that you are an intense person. So I decided to throw this at you... You can't accuse me of not warning you. Noahjohn was one of those 130 people I removed from my friends list. A few days later I invited him back and he returned. Many people didn't return. Maybe I don't blame them. I didn't re-invite my family. I can't do that.   I could have just as easily not seen what he published on his wall or you could have not addressed what I wrote. Most people don't address others who are not their friends on Facebook. It's really stupid since there is a reason why you could see what I wrote yesterday. I believe the idea was to create an internet reunion space, as if we were all sitting at a wedding table and were just introduced to one another by the host. Thank god they sat me next to someone interesting and interested!

If I have interacted with Noahjohn 3 times over the past year, that's a lot. He's a long lost no-friend from college.  We met too late and I was creatively repressed at the time.  In other words, he was a really awesome guy I would have loved to have known better when I was at Hampshire College.  Somehow I invited him over for Mussaman Curry and he said he also loved cooking that wonderful Thai dish.  So, we shopped for the ingredients together and cooked until 2am.  I had just ended 5 years of being vegetarian and had this wonderful tofu recipe.  He insisted upon throwing in beef tips.  And let me tell you, it was a great idea and an awesome cooking night on the mountain above Amherst, Massachusetts. 

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