It turns out that this Branchburg friend's grandparents of her mother's side fled the Ukraine for Brazil and her grandparents of her father's side fled the Ukraine for Venezuela. Her parents met in Somerville, NJ after growing up in those respective countries of Venezuela and Brazil. This friend's mother had a childhood love from Brazil when she left with her parents for the U.S. She and her boyfriend agreed upon maintaining communication through letters. But, she never received one letter from that boyfriend. After waiting to no avail, the friend's mother met her father, they married and the friend was born. The marriage was a disaster and the parents divorced. Years later the friend's grandmother delivered a boxful of letters from the childhood boyfriend to the mother. It turns out that he had written! But for some reason the grandmother didn't want the mother to be in contact with the boyfriend.
47 years after losing contact with each other, the old boyfriend divorced his wife in Indiana where he had studied Engineering at Purdue University and where he had 3 children. He decided to look for the friend's mother who also was divorced and now they are happily married with grown children of the other...
I must ask you this: Are we just organisms created by organic matter and chemical processes of and within our parents? Do you see and feel yourself as just this; a biproduct? Had my father not had sex with my mother, would I not exist today? Did you know that a female dog can give birth to puppies of different males in the same litter? What does this have to do with Humans you may ask... Lots of questions. Who are you? What is the soul? What is the spirit? What is the mind? When you feel yourself, where are you? In other words, where is it that you sense yourself most? I sense myself in the space behind my eyes. I feel most intensely in the space projected forward from that space behind my eyes. As you may know, I've had 3 major surgeries. I've had my colon and my rectum removed. I've seen my small intestine respond to the touch of my finger. But I didn't feel that touch nor pressure that my small intestine felt. It immediately receded inside my abdominal cavity. Not long afterwards it stretched itself outwards and "spit at me"... No, it didn't do that intentionally. I was changing the colostomy bag I had in place for 3 months in 2001 and 2002, hoping that my bowel movements would hault for 5 minutes to give me the opportunity to clean myself and replace the old bag with a new one... If I didn't clean the surface well enough, the bag would fall off as it had many times because the hole where they pulled that part of my small intestine through my lower abdomin was created in a bad curve of my body, making it very difficult for to seal the bag against my skin... I would have loved to control the bowel movements of my small intestine, but like the heart, it functions independently of the mind. You can hold your breath. But there will come a point where your brain shuts you down causing the relaxing of the lungs back into their natural breathing cycles.
My response to the friend is a little convoluted. But I believe there is a point that can be further worked upon:
I don't know how that works... with parents and the birth of children, etc... "had things been different"... I believe you would have been born, but at a different time or to different parents. It's a strange concept I've been working upon in my head, since there is absolutely no other way of working it... different concepts of being and spirit/essence etc... the soul... There is a belief that the child seeks the parents, or the situation... Granted, it's not a child who seeks, but a soul or spirit (if there actually is a difference)... I met an upper middle-class middle-aged Mexican woman in Acapulco who told me that she sees spirits and has helped them leave the body of family members. Yes, this may seem wacked... But, a little while ago I decided against judging a person for saying they had an experience I've never had... In any case, she said that your soul can occupy up to 10 bodies at a given time. That was 3+ years ago and I thought she was nuts. But, for some reason I couldn't stop thinking about that. And I thought about certain dreams I've had or certain recurring dreams since adolescence... The same young woman but with differing physical characteristics and the same feeling. When this happened back in the early 80s I would look for her the following day, although I knew she was only in my dreams... And this has occurred many times here in Mexico the past 3 years. I was really bothered about it, because I felt I was being subconsciously unfaithful to Margarita. Then I realized that she appears in my dreams to show me that I am loved and attractive... (Something having to do with my experience of feeling un-accepted in Mexico)... During adolescence she was a young blonde woman. Why blonde? For me, attraction towards blondes is socially prescribed due to advertising, modelling, television and Hollywood norms of beauty; probably connected with the Anglo-Saxon political-cultural hegemony of the times... You know that the natural blonde in the U.S. and the world is a minority and always has been. But why consider Blonde hair and light skin the epitomy of beauty if it isn't for socio-political reasons? Yes, this is besides the point. Here in Mexico Mexican men respond to knowing that I am married to a Mexican woman with the comment, "Oh! So you like Mexican Women!" And I respond rather foolishly, "Just one." In another situation I would explain that I don't have a physical standard of beauty, that I could have been in-love with a Scotts-Irish with red hair and rosy freckled skin or with an Arabic woman or a Korean woman or a a a Central African woman with the darkest of dark "blue-black" skin... If I fell in-love with a blonde woman, it's because she was beautiful without that blonde hair... But, in adolescence she appeared repeatedly in my dreams... The dreams were more sensual than they were sexual since they were meant for expressing a spiritual-loving connection. Yes, we were naked. But that could also be the point of bringing us closer to our basic physical essences... Why didn't she appear as a brown haired Jewish woman? Why didn't she appear as a black woman? In Mexico she doesn't have a standard appearance. But the feeling is the same. Who is she, is she me? Is she someone I knew in a past life. Is it that my soul is occupying another body and I am dreaming their life experience? No, I don't believe that at the moment. Why do we need that type of bonding? Why would I need it if I am with Margarita? Since I don't hallucinate, she doesn't appear in my waking life... Is she but a repeated fantasy? I doubt it...
Probably nothing. It could have been a tangent. Or better yet, she is a part of me. Your mother and your step-father were always connected; just awaiting the truly correct time for connecting physically; when there wasn't so much risk for the relationship; when both had truly found themselves and felt secure in their own personal worlds... We all live in a personal learning process of steps and degrees.
The idea of spiritual or cosmic time (Past, Present, Future) occuring at the same time is part of the understanding of psychic phenomena y dreams... How can you know about something that hasn't yet happened? How could I draw or paint
Carl Jung used Astrology to prove his concept of syncronicity in contrast with the concept of causality... He found that there was a 300% increase in probability of marriage between two people if one of the person's sun signs was in the same sign as the other person's Moon sign or Rising Sign or when one person's Moon sign is the same as the other person's rising sign. My moon is in Virgo. Margarita's Rising is in Virgo. In Mexico, I've leaned away from Astrology. Probably because I left all of my books in New Jersey and Mexico is very limited when it comes to literature. Plus, books cost so much more here than in the U.S... I originally wrote: Not that it's (Astrology) less important to me now than then. But, because I feel that there is so much more to consider, such as Good and Bad/God and Satan... That sounds stupid. I don't believe in the Devil, nor in hell. I believe that good can be bad and bad can be good as far as learning and growth experience is considered... God isn't a loving entity, nor is God jealous, nor angry. God manages both good and bad and all the degrees between. The question is, "What is God? and why good for me and bad for the other, or better for me and worse for the other...? How do the spirits of our ancestors fit into our experience... if they do...? Is there truly a blood line or are you travelling on a spiritual line? Should I look back towards my ancestors or should I look into the spiritual connections I've made in this lifetime... In the U.S. they ask you what you are and you say, "I'm Ukrainian" Maybe I say I'm Russian-Romanian... When I was painting in New York City I drew Margarita 4 months before meeting her, before ever thinking I was going to move to Mexico. (In fact, she says that I drew her in 1999 too...) I painted Anya one month before meeting her at The Art Students League... I was pretty sick and exhausted that evening... I left the class, because I couldn't concentrate and there she was; a dream straight out of Fiddler On the Roof... It turned out we had much in common at that moment and we lived near each other; she lived up the park from me. The first day I visited her at her duplex in Park Slope, I was waiting on the sidewalk and Randi, my girlfriend from college who I was "supposed" to marry and who brought me to New York City, passed by at the moment Anya climbed down the steps. Anya went to Amherst College and Randi and I went to Hampshire College, in the same town. Randi was my first Jewish girlfriend and my family's dream and my dream to finally be accepted by them. Anya was a Ukrainian "Jew" without Judaism and the only other Jewish girlfriend I had. The two of them had the same damn voice... 1.5 years earlier, one and a half years after I broke up with Randi, Randi called my mother and invited her to her wedding. My mother said, "I'd love to go, but there's a problem... You're getting married on the same day as Beth!" (My younger sister)... I'll keep going... My mother sent my sisters and I to summer camp (for me 6 summers) to the New Jersey Young Mens and Young Womens Hebrew Association Camps in the Poconos... That's where I learned about the Birds and the Bees, because my Branchburg peers made me "Untouchable". Randi, who grew up in Astoria, Queens went to those camps. And she just happened to be in the same group as my younger sister Beth. They are sitting next to each other in a group photograph. But they never knew each other. I had to go to college in Amherst, Massachussetts to make that connection years later. My sisters, my mother, my aunts, my cousins all loved Randi. When I broke up with her, I broke their hearts. My mother didn't hug me for years after. I can go on and on. In the painting of Anya, Anya is looking askance, she's tense and she is flanked by two cats. The painting of her is the first painting or drawing where the person isn't looking at the viewer. In real life, Anya has a problem with looking people in the eyes. One of the reasons our relationship didn't work was because she didn’t spend time with me in my apartment, where I cooked, where I painted, where I lived... because I had a cat and she is allergic to cats. I am allergic to cats too. But I love cats. I'm allergic to dogs. But I love dogs. She loves dogs. But, the cat was a wall between us. I had a painting called "The Woman with the Red Hair." I painted it on a queen-sized matress protector and hung it on the french doors that separated my bedroom from the living room. She has long curly red hair and she is crying giant tears that fall from the center of her eyeless eyes; they are pure white light. For years I was wondering who that woman was.