Perpetual Novembers; Spring Eternal in my Mind; Late-Summer Labyrinths: The difference between remembering and forgetting... Actually written at least a week earlier...

Tuesday, March 24, 2015

The difference between remembering and forgetting... Actually written at least a week earlier...

We could erase all of our horrible childhood memories... and recuperate the best we can from specific traumas. We can also forgive ourselves for how we may have treated people... and the friends we may have denied... or even forgotten that we had forgiven ourselves for something and that something had passed between us that must be healed... Maybe everything healed socially politically and we accepted the developmental mishaps... and now we are content, healthy and happy... and what is our life is our life and what passed... well that was our life too... what can you do? And maybe we don't remember everything... and we find ourselves forgetting little by little. And, every-once-in-a-while something or someone resurfaces...

or when least expected and least indicated... during the least stressful period of the healthiest possible lifestyle... a heart attack reminds us that maybe something was not understood about us... and the situation...

"Doctor, can you tell me what was left unturned... what is it that I missed? My acute myocardial infarction is a thing for the elderly... about years of wear-and-tear... since my numbers have been great for a while now..."

"Patient, I'm sorry, but things aren't always what they seem... It may not have anything more to do than who was pulling on your heart strings... Sometimes science fails us and we must revert to Tarot or Astrology or Ouija. Have you thought about contacting your father about why, at the moment of obtaining all he had dreamed for himself, all of that was suddenly removed? He was a man of science, wasn't he? It seems you inherited more than just FAP/Gardners from him. You inherited the tendency of losing everything the moment of seemingly obtaining true success with others..."

And what does this have to do with the difference between remembering and forgetting?

Ya know there are many forms of memory and lack there of and related repercussions.

Actually, the idea appeared in my head because I hadn't wished a happy birthday to a friend of mine on the 10th of March (for some reason I've had many female friends born on the 10th). We were in Sayulita for a week for Margarita's birthday and I intentionally avoided the internet. The 11th we drove back to Guadalajara. And my younger sister's birthday, March 12th, I had my acute myocardial infarction (not all heart attacks were created alike)... Low stress, normal cholesterol, normal triglicerides, 2 weeks of eating purely fish... months of high consumption of ground flaxseeds etc, much aerobic exercise for a year... much floating in the waves for 6 days...... If we could go organic we would... Peace brother... Peace sister... Love is all we need la la la la la

But in all seriousness...

Today I decided to ask the friend some questions. Since if anyone knows the adequate responses, she does. But, she has her own intense problems and responsibilities... So, I apologized for missing her birthday that I never miss and explained what was going on... and then worried about how she may have responded to having been oppressed with the question. That's where the idea entered about the different sides of remembering and forgetting... remembering and forgetting people...

Remembering and forgetting information... events... reasons... why why why... and no how how how... Do you remember that week in Sayulita? I only remember the week afterwards!

I spend my days researching/investigating... trying to remember what I knew before the event, although I didn't really take heart disease seriously over the past year... afterall, I was removing all of the risk factors and the signs and numbers... People considered me the one healthy person here and the man with the answers and the information... And now they're asking "how is it possible?"

"YOU OF ALL PEOPLE???!!!"

I spend my days researching/investigating... and fatiguing and laying in bed or on the couch... and wondering and worrying... and worrying about what the cardiologist don't understand... and what happens to the body when the pharmaceuticals, in the name of helping, they hinder... But, the cardiologists aren't "allowed" to worry about that side... since they aren't truly train for thinking about health... They are just high-tech mechanics... And, yes, we need all types of mechanics in this world. But, one must not confuse themselves with chemist or alchemist... and even less-so with healer or GOD...

Acute Myocardial Infarction... normally occurs with the elderly... It's related to the aging of the outside heart tissue... the outside heart arteries... Most "epidemiologic" studies focus on age groups above 50 years, although people have had AMIs as early as 25 years...

I stumbled across a study http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/24581071from Purdue University (where my father walked out on his Fullbright Scholarship) that links accumulated childhood misfortune and child abuse to increased risk of AMIs...

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Unfinished "Self-Portrait at 33"

Something I've dreamed of painting since just after my ultimate surgery in 2001. I post this now since I don't know if I will have the chance to work on it before going back on the road on Sunday... The problem is I've been sick for the past 5 days, painting this for the past week, a few hours per day. Whatever the sickness is, it isn't anything I've known and seemingly changes every day. In order to guarrantee my being well anough for the intense work for the following month, I may have to leave this hanging until I return at the end of August...

"La Sonrisa de Amarillo" (Amarillo's smile).

"La Sonrisa de Amarillo" (Amarillo's smile). José and Nicolas were commenting that I should sell the shirt I use for painting, since it is covered with paint. And then José said, "better yet, I'll give you one of my shirts to paint..." It was a joke. But I took it seriously. He has shirt he bought 4 years ago in Zacatecas with a copy of a painting of a bull in a bull fight. However, the print was erased from the shirt years ago. So, I decided to use the space that had the bull. "Amarillo" (Yellow) was the dog at my in-laws ranch when Margarita and I met. Due to a bad fight, he was left with one side of his mouth and one of his ears mangled, which gave him a permanent half snarl with one fang sticking out. He died years ago. But we often mention him...

New House/Studio Guadalajara

Over 20 years ago our friend José "Montaña" bought a parcel of land in the center of Guadalajara. His uncle who was a constructor/mason helped José build the brick house that has 6 bedrooms. Not long afterward, José entered into his older brother's Indian crafts importation business and decided to sell the crafts in fairs around Mexico. His brothers were one of the first people in Mexico City to enter into the Krishna movement that gave them certain perks. While José became vegetarian 4 years ago, sells the Indian furniture and crafts etc, has a giant shrine to Ganesh in his house and hosts the Mahareshi at least two times a year, José doesn't consider himself a Krishna. For at least 15 years José experienced extreme success in the fairs and was able to send his children to private English Language schools (his oldest son went to University in Texas and Married there),was able to visit with his children the U.S. and India and even bought the "castillo" (castle---an insider joke) next door. For years he used it as a store house and for a shop where Mary had workers fabricating crafts and Mexican/asian Indian style clothing. Then, about 4 years ago, Mexico entered into the international economic crises and José began losing money in the fairs. (I, on the other hand, have managed the situation and the coffee business well enough to be able to improve our economy over the past 2+ years, although this year we lost half our fairs (my decision not to enter into suddenly horribly violent zones where the people are fleeing and have fair to go out to the streets.) Out of desperation, José put the house he built on the market and moved his family into the "castillo"; his children were not happy. The "castillo" was built in the 19th century and has very high ceilings and wonderful giant windows and a terrace surrounding the second story kitchen. After a year on the market, One of José's Asian Indian suppliers bought the house and decided to put it on the market. A year ago, dreaming of having an artist studio/house in the center of Guadalajara with it's majestic tree-lined streets, I asked José to contact the Indian suppliers to see if they would sell the "guest house". José replied that he couldn't locate the Indians' representative in Guadalajara. And that ended that fantasy. However, a year later, upon returning to Guadalajara, Margarita called Mary who asked Margarita if we were in need of a house. We had just rented a house for 3 months (a house infested with cockaroaches). However, I had to see the house. The moment we set foot in the empty guest house without kitchen, bathroom, closets, I was hit with the return of the dream I left behind when we left Guadalajara last November. This time I could see all the projects we would begin over the next 10 years. So, we decided to rent the house and hoped that the 32 day fair in Guadalajara would be good for us; and it was. So, now we are "building" the kitchen, we bought a new refrigerator, are having a stainless steel restaurant sink fabricated for us, are looking for good furniture, looking into nice tiling and thinking about the future one more time.

"Hummingbird Goddess of the Mountain"/"Diosa Colibrí de la Montaña"

Crucified Pregnant Woman

(Unfinished Painting November/December 2010). This was the last painting I worked on before putting aside the painting and drawing for 6 months. I don't have any artist training. I haven't ever taken a painting or a drawing class. I don't know anything about anatomy and I have NEVER seen naked pregnant woman, let alone a naked pregnant woman on a cross. That created a hell of a headache working on perspective and shadowing... How does a head hang with the arms spread outwards to the side? My dilemma. After the fair of Tepic, I asked my friend José "Montaña" to take it with him to Guadalajara. Truthfully, it created so much stress that I really didn't want to see it. The problem is that we don't have a house of our own. I don't have a studio for storing my work and supplies...

Stream of Consciousness Drawing "Your Turned Back/The Cold Shoulder" July 11, 2011

In La Isla de Mexcaltitan, Nayarit

The story goes that the group of Mexica indians had a dream one night of the great city of Tenochtitlan they would construct 200 years later in the Valley of Mexico, now known as Mexico City that later on became known as the Aztec Empire. The dream was had on the Island of Mexcaltitan, Nayarit. Upon leaving his "home" on the edge of the river Antigua in Veracruz, Cortez journeyed to the center of what is now known as the Republic of Mexico and conquered the Aztecs, with the help of the Totonoco indians of the region known as Veracruz. Cortez destroy the Grand Tenochtitlan, probably the largest pre-hispanic city in the Americas and constructed churches and cathedrals where the ancient temples and pyramids had been...

Pico de Orizaba in the Morning

I took this photo during our Sunday morning walk. We found a wonderful route that circles Margarita's parents' house; great for a jogging route. When I've run in Mexico, Margarita was my running partner. Back in 2005, when we were running in the Lakes, there were many times when Margarita ran faster than I ran. But, I always passed her on the hills... The wonderful thing about this route is that it passes through the woods, coffee plantations and sugar cane fields; a lot of hills as you can see... So, we've decided that, if we have a strong finish of 2011, we'll buy land here and build a house.