Pico de Orizaba

Pico de Orizaba
Taken from Huatusco, Veracruz, the closest town to Margarita's family's ranch.

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Awakening from the suburban/almost rural New Jersey perpetual slumber...; Conversations with a Past Life September 21, 2011

I'm a very simple person; probably because I grew up in Branchburg and didn't start truly believing in reading until I was at least 19-years-old.  I wanted to be a Yankee.  Didn't believe in eating salads.  Was a very "thoughtful" and "considerate" person who believed in social justice.  But, I was horribly simple.  I believed in Burger King Whoppers and Roy Roger's fried chicken and french fries.  I read Sports Illustrated and spent my days listening to Pink Floyd, the Doors, Led Zeppelin, Van Halen, Journey very loud...  The most important thing that could have happened to me was if the Yankees made it to the World Series...  No, I'm not apathetic.  I just believe that there is so little we can do when there is so much that must be done...  I left the Environmental Club when Glen told me that I must focus on one issue or I won't truly help anything or anyone.  I was wondering what was the truly most important issue in the world and I realized that there were so many things including environmentalism.  But environmentalism wasn't to be put infront of all other issues.  The truth is that I am a Branchburg Jersey boy who grew up with the forests and the fields surrounding his house being gradually developed and I loved dreaming of being one of the constructors.  Jamie Blazewics and I scavenged the housing developments and spent years building forts behind his house.  Then I built forts with Brian Iselin and Peter Coletti.  When I entered Raritan Valley Community College while working in the A.T&T mail room in Pluckemin/Bridgewater, I thought I would become a Comptroller for A.T.&T., although I had no idea what that meant, although I believed that it made lots of money within accounting.  I was an accounting major for 1.5 night classes.  I dropped out of high school to sell Kirby Vacuum Cleaners.  Now I am lost...  Or I just lost myself.  The truth is that I've never been able to live to become rich or not even close to that...  But, I didn't know that before the age of 19. 

Apathetic...  But, sometimes I can use the word "pathetic" for those who become so embroiled in "causes" and truly believe that they or "we" are winning the war; the war against sexism; the war against racism; the war against materialism; the war against shallowness, which means that the side of the spiritualists is beating the side of those who aren't connected spiritually.  No!  I don't believe that war is win-able, although I continue putting in my 2 cents.  I would prefer being apathetic.  No.  I wish I could just live simply and accept things as they are. 

Ya know what the problem is?  Suddenly awakening from the suburban/almost rural New Jersey perpetual slumber... But, that was so long ago.  When do you get over the shock?  And you went to the Northwest.  But, for some reason I always find my eyes too wide open.  I believe I see everything, although I miss a lot.  What I mean is that I'm always looking and watching and trying to understand and attracted to what stands out or what shouldn't be happening...  And I'm always asking WHY? although I believe one is so better off not worrying about anything and not feeling anything because there is almost nothing we can do about it.  And that's why I can be accused of being apathetic; because I don't believe we can do anything about this steamroller that plasters everything in its path...  That's cynical.  But cynicism is negative and I don't believe that reality should be judged morally.  It's just what is.  And if life is difficult that isn't a bad statement.  It is just an assessment, if you know what I mean...

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