Perpetual Novembers; Spring Eternal in my Mind; Late-Summer Labyrinths: "I'd rather die running than die sleeping..."

Friday, March 24, 2017

"I'd rather die running than die sleeping..."

Lastnight... I dreamed... but the dream wasn't really worth remembering... At least that's what I thought... Yes, for some reason my cousin Craig appeared... and we must have been in his house... But, it wasn't really an important dream... At least that's what I thought...

I have a fitbit heart monitor watch... a 47th birthday present... I use it for monitoring my heart rate during runs...But, it is even more interesting for monitoring my sleep patterns...

Would you believe that taking 2 mgs of Melatonin before going to sleep enables me to sleep the whole night through? And if the following morning, after supposedly having a night of undesturbed sleep I feel lethargic and even coffee doesn't do the trick, well I'm not surprised when me sleep read-out states that I was very restless that night...

Well, last night I only partially remembered one dream... Craig was in it, so was Margarita... In fact, she was driving momentarilly... We were looking for someone who was scheduled for giving me an alternative check-up at Craig's house... and that was basically it... Yes, I became angry with Margarita... but, nothing more... not a nightmare... no loss of control and the car veering off the road and over a cliff, asas has occurred in many a dream... Nothing occurred that was noteworthy...

But, around 4am, my heart rate jumped over 180 beats per minute for 19 minutes... Just so you understand, during my run today (and every day I run), my heart rate didn't reach 170... nor using the rowing machine intensely... For hours, my heart rate was in the 50s... Then suddenly it jumped up to over 180 and stayed there for 19 minutes... and then returned to the 50s for the following hours of sleep...

Very strange.

And the sleep monitor states that I slept nearly perfectly. I didn't awaken once for 8 hours... Not even with a heart rate of over 180 for 19 minutes...

Today I felt bad. Tired... A digestive issue... We went to the park and I lay in the sun for an hour... Read in the shade for a while more... Drank Electrolyte and Gatorade... still felt bad... Margarita suggested I run tomorrow morning. But I responded that I wanted to see how my heart rate is during the run... I was still concerned about why it jumped so high in my sleep... Since June, I've never seen such a thing occur during my sleep...

I was concerned about running with something that could kill me in my sleep... that could kill me during my run... And I didn't feel well... but the mantra returned to my mind... I decided I should respect it, repeating it in my head... "I'd rather die running than die sleeping." Considering Margarita's feelings, I kept the mantra to myself...

Thanks to the Electrolyte and Gatorade, my run was the best of the period...

At the moment I feel horrible... What can you do?

185... Peak heart rate for an almost 47-year-old man? I believe it is 175...

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Unfinished "Self-Portrait at 33"

Something I've dreamed of painting since just after my ultimate surgery in 2001. I post this now since I don't know if I will have the chance to work on it before going back on the road on Sunday... The problem is I've been sick for the past 5 days, painting this for the past week, a few hours per day. Whatever the sickness is, it isn't anything I've known and seemingly changes every day. In order to guarrantee my being well anough for the intense work for the following month, I may have to leave this hanging until I return at the end of August...

"La Sonrisa de Amarillo" (Amarillo's smile).

"La Sonrisa de Amarillo" (Amarillo's smile). José and Nicolas were commenting that I should sell the shirt I use for painting, since it is covered with paint. And then José said, "better yet, I'll give you one of my shirts to paint..." It was a joke. But I took it seriously. He has shirt he bought 4 years ago in Zacatecas with a copy of a painting of a bull in a bull fight. However, the print was erased from the shirt years ago. So, I decided to use the space that had the bull. "Amarillo" (Yellow) was the dog at my in-laws ranch when Margarita and I met. Due to a bad fight, he was left with one side of his mouth and one of his ears mangled, which gave him a permanent half snarl with one fang sticking out. He died years ago. But we often mention him...

New House/Studio Guadalajara

Over 20 years ago our friend José "Montaña" bought a parcel of land in the center of Guadalajara. His uncle who was a constructor/mason helped José build the brick house that has 6 bedrooms. Not long afterward, José entered into his older brother's Indian crafts importation business and decided to sell the crafts in fairs around Mexico. His brothers were one of the first people in Mexico City to enter into the Krishna movement that gave them certain perks. While José became vegetarian 4 years ago, sells the Indian furniture and crafts etc, has a giant shrine to Ganesh in his house and hosts the Mahareshi at least two times a year, José doesn't consider himself a Krishna. For at least 15 years José experienced extreme success in the fairs and was able to send his children to private English Language schools (his oldest son went to University in Texas and Married there),was able to visit with his children the U.S. and India and even bought the "castillo" (castle---an insider joke) next door. For years he used it as a store house and for a shop where Mary had workers fabricating crafts and Mexican/asian Indian style clothing. Then, about 4 years ago, Mexico entered into the international economic crises and José began losing money in the fairs. (I, on the other hand, have managed the situation and the coffee business well enough to be able to improve our economy over the past 2+ years, although this year we lost half our fairs (my decision not to enter into suddenly horribly violent zones where the people are fleeing and have fair to go out to the streets.) Out of desperation, José put the house he built on the market and moved his family into the "castillo"; his children were not happy. The "castillo" was built in the 19th century and has very high ceilings and wonderful giant windows and a terrace surrounding the second story kitchen. After a year on the market, One of José's Asian Indian suppliers bought the house and decided to put it on the market. A year ago, dreaming of having an artist studio/house in the center of Guadalajara with it's majestic tree-lined streets, I asked José to contact the Indian suppliers to see if they would sell the "guest house". José replied that he couldn't locate the Indians' representative in Guadalajara. And that ended that fantasy. However, a year later, upon returning to Guadalajara, Margarita called Mary who asked Margarita if we were in need of a house. We had just rented a house for 3 months (a house infested with cockaroaches). However, I had to see the house. The moment we set foot in the empty guest house without kitchen, bathroom, closets, I was hit with the return of the dream I left behind when we left Guadalajara last November. This time I could see all the projects we would begin over the next 10 years. So, we decided to rent the house and hoped that the 32 day fair in Guadalajara would be good for us; and it was. So, now we are "building" the kitchen, we bought a new refrigerator, are having a stainless steel restaurant sink fabricated for us, are looking for good furniture, looking into nice tiling and thinking about the future one more time.

"Hummingbird Goddess of the Mountain"/"Diosa Colibrí de la Montaña"

Crucified Pregnant Woman

(Unfinished Painting November/December 2010). This was the last painting I worked on before putting aside the painting and drawing for 6 months. I don't have any artist training. I haven't ever taken a painting or a drawing class. I don't know anything about anatomy and I have NEVER seen naked pregnant woman, let alone a naked pregnant woman on a cross. That created a hell of a headache working on perspective and shadowing... How does a head hang with the arms spread outwards to the side? My dilemma. After the fair of Tepic, I asked my friend José "Montaña" to take it with him to Guadalajara. Truthfully, it created so much stress that I really didn't want to see it. The problem is that we don't have a house of our own. I don't have a studio for storing my work and supplies...

Stream of Consciousness Drawing "Your Turned Back/The Cold Shoulder" July 11, 2011

In La Isla de Mexcaltitan, Nayarit

The story goes that the group of Mexica indians had a dream one night of the great city of Tenochtitlan they would construct 200 years later in the Valley of Mexico, now known as Mexico City that later on became known as the Aztec Empire. The dream was had on the Island of Mexcaltitan, Nayarit. Upon leaving his "home" on the edge of the river Antigua in Veracruz, Cortez journeyed to the center of what is now known as the Republic of Mexico and conquered the Aztecs, with the help of the Totonoco indians of the region known as Veracruz. Cortez destroy the Grand Tenochtitlan, probably the largest pre-hispanic city in the Americas and constructed churches and cathedrals where the ancient temples and pyramids had been...

Pico de Orizaba in the Morning

I took this photo during our Sunday morning walk. We found a wonderful route that circles Margarita's parents' house; great for a jogging route. When I've run in Mexico, Margarita was my running partner. Back in 2005, when we were running in the Lakes, there were many times when Margarita ran faster than I ran. But, I always passed her on the hills... The wonderful thing about this route is that it passes through the woods, coffee plantations and sugar cane fields; a lot of hills as you can see... So, we've decided that, if we have a strong finish of 2011, we'll buy land here and build a house.