Pico de Orizaba

Pico de Orizaba
Taken from Huatusco, Veracruz, the closest town to Margarita's family's ranch.

Saturday, December 24, 2011

Mole Poblano 15 years Later

Back in June I wrote a few pieces about my Hampshire College girlfriend who brought me to New York City introduced me to wonderful Mexican food and Mexican beer and who was the first person who mentioned having lived in Mexico, although for only a few months...  Back in 1996, when we frist lived together in Astoria Queens, I bought her a wonderful cookbook A Cook's Tour of Mexico, since she loved Mexican Cuisine. During those 1.5 years we lived together in New York City, she never opened the cookbook.  But I prepared Mole Oaxaqueño or Black Mole.  It took me 12 hours to prepare and was a horribly arduous affair.  However, it remains the best mole I have ever eaten in my life, even living here in Mexico 9 years.  Nevertheless I never returned to the recipe.  In fact, when Randi and I broke up, A Cook's Tour of Mexico went with her.  I bought the cookbook one more time.  But, as I wrote in "The 3 Messengers", I mailed the cookbook to Bürcu in Turkey before leaving for Mexico, since I was seeking recipes in that cookbook to cook with her when the idea of moving to Mexico and not with her to Turkey entered my mind...  This past November, while buying tiles for tiling our new kitchen, we noticed a wonderful tiled kitchen book in the tile store, Mexicocinas, and asked the owner where she bought the book, which is in English.  She directed us to a giant English language bookstore in a predominantly "American" colony of Guadalajara.  While there, I asked the young woman if she could locate A Cook's Tour of Mexico.  She informed me that it was out of print but she could locate it used and order it from the U.S.  A month later I had the book for the 3rd time in my life.   Before leaving for Margarita's family's ranch in Veracruz, I decided upon preparing Mole Poblano (which I have not eaten here in Mexico and to which Randi introduced me in 1996) and the Mole Oaxaqueño I prepared in Astoria Queens 15-years-ago.  Yesterday we entered the endeavor and, truthfully I don't know if I want to prepare Mole again in my life.  It's just too much grinding work...

On another note, these days I find myself re-reading pieces I wrote that are being read presently by people who know me...  Yes, the writing is very candid, personal, at times hostile.  It's a temporary view into what I thought or felt or believed at the moment.  For the most part I don't like my writing.  I don't believe that I am a good writer nor will be a good writer.  I think some people just "have it" for writing the way people or WE wish to read.  Back in June I believed that mixing my experience in Mexico with artwork and my "spiritual journey" would attract people to possibly want the story or the artwork. But, the truth is that the artworld and the entertainment or special interest world is much more complicated than just posting on the internet.  Plus, as I've said so many times before, we are so many people on this planet with so few spaces for extreme success.  Why me and not so many other talented people?  I pass my days trying to maintain in things in perspective.  So many people say have said, "Ross, you should publish... Ross you should sell your paintings...  Ross you should open a restaurant..."  and maybe it's true that what I create is different and is interesting.  However, I think that type of success has something to do with a mix of destiny and a mix of socio-politics..  I want to share with you my artwork, my cooking, my experience.  But, something tells me that all this is to remain very personal and private due to the design of my life.  It's to say that my life was designed in a certain way for a certain purpose... As I have mentioned, I have 5 "planets" in Virgo.  I don't have Leo in my astrological chart.  Virgo is the virgin or the hermit.  Leo demands attention.  People can't help but fall in-love with (be attracted towards) Leos (depending greatly upon where Leo falls in the person's astrological chart and what else they have placed in their chart.  Like my younger sister Beth, Pisces with Rising Sign in Leo or Scott Capricorn with Moon in Leo.  Pisces and Capricorn are dark and closed no-nonsense signs so to speak... But the placement of Leo in those spaces attracts people... Demands attention.  By virtue of... this person will "shine"...  Anya said that she didn't believe that people change...  I believed that people change.  I believed that I am an example.  But, the question is "what is this change?"  I think we are a certain way and we change within those parameters.  We react a certain way... we act a certain way within certain situations...  when we are tired or stressed or concerned or... We are another way when we are content, relaxed, optimistic etc... Depending upon the situation, depending upon what and how we have learned, we change (better phrased, we evolve).  But, I'm almost certain that the way we live is highly programmed within a combination of astrological make-up and the situation of our childhoods; the two factors that formulate our characters...  What would it take for me to become a successful artist?  I am Gemini with 5 "planets" in Virgo.  Gemini is a lover of freedom and doesn't believe in structures-forms, rules, regulations...  Gemini is light-hearted.  So, Gemini artwork is stream of consciousness, free-flowing, part of a dance.  Virgo is in conflict with Gemini, since Virgo is perfectionist, overly rational.  Gemini is gregarious and superficially socia (socialization is a game).  Virgo is anti-social in a positive sense, to say that they just don't want to be bothered with blah blah blah shallow and superficial conversations.  Virgo does not play the game.  They can live in a tree for all they care.  "Don't bother me.  I have better things to do with my time. And all my time I must dedicate towards accomplishing something..."  That something is not socio-political.  Do I want to live this way?  Do I not want to be gregarious, successful?  Of course I do.  And that is my astrological conflict I must put into perspective.  I must accept that the most "fame" I will achieve is through this blog.  You can't change the date and time of your birth.  You can't change the situation within which you were born.  And I continuously ask myself knowing all that can't be changed, "Ross, truthfully what do you expect from people and life if you know that this is the situation within which you were born?  Why do you write to these people...  Why do you 'publish' this stuff when you know that you won't see these people, when you know that no one will enter you forrest and your cave?"  You can't expect from people what they can't give...  You can't give what is not for you to give...  This is not pessimism.  It is a reality.  My younger sister Beth had a new boyfriend and she mentioned that she wanted him to meet me.  She mentioned that she wanted to visit with us this year.  I suggested that we plan on a visit on the Carribean in Playa del Carmen in December.  I mentioned that I had a friend who worked at a resort there and that she could help us with the planning. She said that she needed dates and the number of people who would visit.  The question was if Beth would be visiting with us with her two daughters...  I emailed Beth that Veronica needed the information and Beth repeatedly didn't respond to my email.  Who has the problem within this issue?  I haven't been in contact with Beth since... and no, she didn't come to Mexico.  It's possible that Beth suggested something she didn't truly believe.  It's possible that my Virgo/hermit character doesn't have enough force of attraction.  Should I be in conflict with Beth?  Absolutely not.  But I should maintain in perspective our "relationship" and my life/destiny.  Everyone has life-themes.  I've never thrown a party in my life.  I don't seek parties or gatherings.  I don't like other peoples' noise.  When I was a child, I was considered shy...  But, what is shyness? In my 20s I fought against that shyness.  But, truthfully I think it's more like, "shy of" what it takes to actually enjoy social environments...  "Shy of" what it takes to gain socio-politically...  Maybe I was shy because I was born into a situation or a state of being, into a life, where I would spend most of my time with only one other person, but not with two people... it's to say that I am either with myself or I am with you...   With you, you are the center of the universe with all my attention.  But, I have also learned that I prefer my time with myself.  I get tired of the interpersonal relationship; it's draining.  So, I return to my books, to my painting, to my kitchen, to my walking and thinking...  Can you fault me?  The problem is the 20th century middle-class first world nation within which I was born was the century of tele-communications, marketing, services and information technology.  It's not a  good era for an artistic, intellectual, perfectionist hermit...  And if I wanted to be my gregarious Gemini self, I find myself in conflict with my overly Virgo "anti-social" self...  Every step forward socially receives 2 strong yanks backwards.  One shouldn't fight against their internal truths or their destiny.  You are who you are and you must understand those limits and accept them.  We waste a lot of energy trying to be who we are not because we don't accept who we truly are.  I won't be a superstar.  That's just not me.  I have done super things.  Have overcome incredible obstacles.  I have withstood much.  I am very intelligent.  I am talented in many things.  But I am me as I am, as I was born, within what I was born.  I can't expect you to understand or appreciate this or me...  But, the least I can do is come to terms with the various conflicts and realities...  This is personal.  If I were to not share with you my personal life, you would not know anything about me because I would not be sharing with you, in contact with you...  It's very simple and understandable.  I am here and you are there; different universes.  We don't see each other.  What changes if I don't have facebook or a "Dead Man Walking" blog...?  Nothing changes.  But, for some reason I thought it important to share with you my photographs on Facebook and to share with you my "stories", experiences, journeys and ideas on Blogger.  But, I think it is only an illusory distraction away from my own personal truth and reality.

Margarita and I have a very wonderful and successful relationship.  Part of it is because we both have Ascendent in Virgo and she is Pisces, opposite of my Moon in Virgo...  She is a "no-nonsense" person, always occupied in some form of work.  We share the same space occupied in different projects.  The one person respects the other.  We both are passionate.  But it is a reserved passion that usually comes after each others' work or project.  No one expects that the one person should always be attending the other...  Neither of us needs entertainment.  We are active.  But we don't seek social or public activities...  We don't have to go out on the town so to speak.  I guess for this reason you would find me boring.  I'm not a partier, a social butterfly.  I'm not a drinker...  That doesn't take one far...

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