Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Men are Pigs/Women are...?; Conversations with a Past Life, October 4, 2011
Her husband is a lawyer, he is a body-builder. He is a father of 3 children. He is a womanizing pig. He sleeps with his secretaries. He slept with her best friend. It’s been more than a humiliating slap in the face. It’s also a bruising of her ego. She just separated from him. I believe she’s asking for a divorce. But, she can’t stop talking about her suffering within the situation. And she has her friends entwined within her existential conflict. After all, how can you be a true friend if you don’t say supportive things showing that you understand, that you care, that you are on her side? But the problem is that the conversation reverts to “Men are… this”… that he is a … One of her friends wrote, “He had everything a man could want…” But, no one truly wants to help the situation. This is my response (I could lose Facebook “friends”. But, as we all know; if they were friendships created on Facebook, they aren’t more than illusions bound with photographs and words):
It's not a rational thing; having everything a man could want. Virility (which doesn't have only to do with sex) is about accumulation, be it a collection of cars, a big house, a nice vacation house, and an apartment in the city, friends at increasingly higher socio-political levels, sex-partners... Virility is about the illusion of power and self-worth. If he always saw himself as worthless and if he has a big bruised ego, he will strive for proving to himself and others that he has value. It doesn't matter how and who is his wife. It doesn't matter that he has 3 beautiful children. The problem is profoundly psychological and spiritual. Mix that with socio-political models of how men should be if they want to be accepted as truly valuable men... But the problem isn't only about men. It's about women too and what women expect from men and how women believe they should appear to men. Remember, the man should be your prince in shining armor. But, in order to be a prince, he must have money and status. So, he must be a laywer, doctor, successful business man. And what must you as a woman have to become his princess? You must be a material object of his desire, which also makes you a material object of the desires of other men. You play the game. Within the game is a ton of built in risk. Now, why would a man become an obsessed body-builder and why would the woman be attracted to this man? When men and women fall into this game of "Men are jerks" and "women are..." they are like dogs chasing their tales. And why run around in the same circles? Because neither person wants to admit the truth within the situation. They want the game; but they don't want to accept the consequences. And the truth is, Do they really want change and to avoid these situations? Amiga, let yourself be a normal 42 year old mother and not obsess over your appearance waiting for everyone to tell you you are gorgeous or sexy. How about just being a normal, attractive 42-year-old woman about to enter into Menopause... How does that idea make you feel? I'm sure it feels horrible. And the question is WHY? It's a very personal question. But if you can address it and accept the true response and deal with the reality of that response, then maybe you can deal with your relationship or relationships and stop running around in circles desperately and maybe you can start truly enjoying yourself, your children and your life... But perpetually accusing THE OTHER doesn't resolve the problems. And, my question is, "if women hear these comments about men being idiots and so many other things since adolescence (the conversations become incredibly prevalent after college), then why not dedicate a life to abstenance? But the truth lays at a deep subconscious level; because the women know that they are equally fucked up and equally to blame for the inter-personal relationship problems as are the men. Don't you understand? But, maybe you don't want to understand. You just want to spend your time miserable blaming the other for your decision to be with them in the first place and to seek their style of MAN.