The Scorpion and The Frog or The Farmer and the Viper...

Looking up the JAMA (Journal of American Medical Association) artical where Dr. Osborne cites the 1998 data that the 4th greatest cause of death in the U.S. was prescription medication caused, I stumbled across this 2010 publication by the FDA that also cites the JAMA publication, a 2000 American Journal of Medicine publication and a 2000 publication by the Institute of Medicine; National Academy Press. I wasn't looking for this information.  In fact, I was just checking my email for the first time since the morning and received this Gluten Free Society bulletin mentioning the data...  

http://www.fda.gov/Drugs/DevelopmentApprovalProcess/DevelopmentResources/DrugInteractionsLabeling/ucm114848.htm

Oh, by the way, I was looking up the JAMA artical because I found the information a bit surprising...  I wish you could understand that if I have doubts, I check references... and verify if the author is exagerating or lying...  Sometimes, "when it seems too good to be true..." it isn't...  You doubt my memory.  But, I can tell you exactly where I got that phrase from, when and why:

It was Fall 1987, I was looking in the newspaper job listings and stumbled across an advertisement for earning up to $400 per day... I imagine it was an advertisement by J & J distributing in Dunellen (Kirby Vacuum Cleaners) and I told you about it... You responded, "If it seems too good to be true, it is."  I support that idea to a great extent and am certain I've said it to others...  But, maybe for some people, it would have worked out.  For instance, Beth has an excellent personality for sales and I am certain is very successful no matter what is the product... not much different from her waitressing skills at gaining very good tips.  But, for the average person, if it sounds too good to be true, I'm sure it is...  

Yes, my memory fails me... in being able to offer more details or more exact details.  I wish I could fill in the story much more completely, instead of leaving it seeming anecdotal...  And that's why I don't write fiction.  If I can't write the details of my relationship with Fran... Or describe those 5 years in NYC after Randi... Or remember where Randi was all those times I found myself alone in Astoria... and I remember that greatly...  I think I remember enough of the important details.  But, not enough possibly to gain the true attention of the reader...  

I'm certain I'm making a big mistake writing you; it's like befriending the enemy or giving her the opportunity to swindle me again...  Truthfully, that's how I feel about you, Sheri and Beth... That it's a very deceitful game the three of you play.  And maybe you can call me paranoid.  But, I guess I'm calling on the part of you that is truly intelligent and considerate or thoughtful to try and understand truly what happened.

But, why ask this of the "criminal"... or the lier or the swindler?  Why as the devil to have a change of heart?  Remember the film "The Crying Game"? with Forest Whitaker... He tells a fable about a Scorpion and a Frog that goes:  A scorpion asks a frog to carry him over a river. The frog is afraid of being stung during the trip, but the scorpion argues that if it stung the frog, both would sink and the scorpion would drown. The frog agrees and begins carrying the scorpion, but midway across the river the scorpion does indeed sting the frog, dooming them both. When asked why, the scorpion points out that this is its nature. The fable is used to illustrate the position that no change can be made in the behaviour of the fundamentally vicious. It is this moral that is also illustrated by Aesop's Fables of The Farmer and the Viper, where a farmer saves a snake which then bites its benefactor as soon as it has recovered. The farmer's last words are "I am rightly served for pitying a scoundrel" and the moral is "The greatest kindness will not bind the ungrateful."

Paranoid... and that's why I cited those scientific publishings at the end of what I wrote on my blog last night...  You and your family respond to me over the years as if I had just read something and was copying the story of the other... But, what really occurs is that I lived the story and can cite many professional studies/publishings explaining why what happened in my childhood still affects me as today...  And in how many ways...?  The problem is that you are the "defendent" and you will become defensive... You say that you love me and you worry about my health, but after all you've done over the so many years, those words seem incredibly hypocritical...  I claim that you have a very convenient memory that protects you from the difficulties of your responsibility towards what you caused me...  

Isn't if pathetic how I've spent my life trying to gain your approval?  Don't you have the slightest idea why that would be?  And the funny thing is, that you have the tendency of invalidating something that inspires me or that I believe that I have a talent in or a grasp on until you have decided later on that you determined my value... usually when I have decided to put aside the prior endeavor and switch to another... and the game repeats itself...  First you must put heavy doubt in my mind about myself and then you tell me what it is I should be doing...  But, if I decide what I should do?

One moment you say that I'm your most intelligent child and the next moment you treat me as that child-failure as that idiot... as that irresponsible and reckless person...  And I know these words will not make an imprint upon your brain...

Do you know how long we've been going around on this merry-go-round?  Do you remember how many times I insisted you join me in family therapy and you were so difficult?  The problem was never yours; it was mine...  You never saw a therapist for helping you "cope" with all of your lifelong suffering.

What were you hiding from them?  From yourself?

And you may ask yourself and your daughters, "What did I do to deserve this treatment?"  But, if you were introspective and sincere and considerate and did not have the tendency towards denial... You deny everything you said to me about yourself and why you related towards me as you did...  Very convenient.  

Or is it possible that your most intelligent child, so much like you who shares so many of your styles/interests, also has such a vivid imagination? He's such a lier and exagerator? Such a failure you must ALWAYS question his next move or his thinking?  Sounds incredibly contradictory to me Mom...

Or is the problem in your head and in your behavior?  And you're the one who speaks out of both sides of your mouth?

How can you give a child stability if one day you are by his side and the next day you are pushing him away?  Or if you spent his childhood years telling him how worthless he was?

I was telling Margarita and Nicolas about how you told me how jealous of me Sheri was after I was born... How possessive she was of Daddy... she was daddy's girl/boy...  And how she would pinch me when I was in the crib to make me cry...

And I talked to them about how parents are concerned when their second child is about to be born, how the first child will react.  And certainly they will speak to the 3-year-old Sheri about what was about to happen and why she will benefit from having a younger brother, being my big sister...

And when you saw her pinch me to make me cry, didn't you wonder what was going on and what could occur later on?  And, later on you knew just how vindictive and possessive and controlling Sheri could be and you told me about Barbara Elementary School teacher's daughter's experience with Sheri when you had hired her to babysit us... and what Sheri had us littlins do to scare the hell out of the babysitter so that she would never come back... And that day that Sheri took the cover off my Sports Illustrated Magazine and put it on your Playboy magazine and placed it in the mailbox making it seem that one of my friends was returning the magazine I supposedly stole from one of your drawers or your closet... And you shoved it infront of my face and said something to the tone of "do you recognize this?" And of course I did not, although I became incredibly intrigued at the photograph infront of my eyes...  But, you yanked it away so quickly... And then I don't know what you did beyond berate me horribly for something I did not do... so much so that Sheri decided to confess laying/crying on the stairs to leave me alone, that she had done it... And you saying, "Do you see what you've done?  You should be ashamed of yourself, allowing your sister to take the blame!"

And if you believed a few of my words mom... and if you remembered a few of your words and some statements you made to me when I was in the Community College, you would be able to tie together two and two?

And, yes, I stole money from your wallet and stole Sheri's allowance money that one time that I wanted to run away and hid in the garage that night that my signaling drew Lorna's attention...  And, yes, Sheri is correct about that day I threw rocks at her... I remember all of that.  And I remember why so much rage... Like when Beth and Sheri set me up for raging by teasing me and having me chase Beth out of the house so that Sheri could lock the door behind me and Beth could enter through the other door to lock that one again... And it was a cold November day and I was without shoes and socks... and through rocks at the garage door...  And there were times that Sheri decided to be nice and affection to me... But then she would strangely suddenly turn... and give me a horrible cold shoulder for days...  And she remember playing go fish with me in her room the nights we couldn't sleep due to you have very loud sex with Joe... And I remember that too...  But, she was horribly reactive and changeable with almost schizophrenic behavior... And, I was always that gullible fool, puppydog-like so willing to go back to her when she decided to accept me again...

And do you understand that type of behavior?  I'm sure you do.  I'm sure it has been clinically described... A form of passive-aggressiveness... aimed at gaining something... What was her gain?  Truthfully, I'll never know. 

When I was around puberty age, I remember her saying that I would be very hansome when I was 40-years-old...  I guess she had just read the books and seen the movie "The Thorn Birds"... This was at a time that I was experiencing horrible rejections from my middle-school peers, especially the girls who did not want to be courted by Ross or the Jew, or the picked-on, or maybe I smelled of urine, since I wet my bed until the age of 12 and didn't have the greatest hygiene... I imagine my breath smelled and I went to school without having bathed... Who knows?  But the psychologists are well-versed in why children suck their thumbs and wet their beds too too long... Just as the PTSD therapist understood why I cut myself (self-mutilator) and lit fires...

And the funny thing is that I struggled my whole adult life to reverse all of these problems... Truthfully, all of the therapist hours were a waste of time and money...  Nothing was worked out in those series of 50 minute sessions... Everything was worked out through a lot of introspection and trying to understand myself, what happened and who I truly was...

You have absolutely no idea what those 5 artist years in NYC represent for me...  A time I would love to return to... I time I consider horribly reckless within which I would never wish to find myself again...  

I would have loved to been born in Alan's shoes... having a dad like Bruce.  But, truthfully, I really only wish I was born to an Alan Leslie Goldstein who didn't become ill and suddenly die and didn't leave me to the monster you became and Sheri was and didn't give me his illness and know how that would have been... Who I would have become, instead of who I became...  Do you understand me?  Can you for a moment in your life sense what I'm truly telling you?

Do you have any idea what impact these writings or these experiences have on my heart?  I am very aware of it... I feel the changes and take my blood pressure and see it change... And realize how at 2am, it's as if I drank strong coffee at 11pm... although I'm not drinking coffee these day... My mouth doesn't enjoy it...  

But, I've come to terms with the fact that I've come a full circle... reading that scientific artical on childhood trauma causing adulthood acute myocardial infarction...  

This is the end... Not a suicidal end.  But a conceptual end...

What is the problem?  What did that Chinese psychiatrist on the upper West Side tell me?  That I had too many plates in the air... Who said what about unbearable stress? or excessive stress?  there is a better word for that for the suffer of PTSD...  You've gotta advance forward.  But you've gotta attend to the skeletins in the closet and symptoms caused by the trauma and the aftermath... like developmental disorders or learning disabilities or mental illness...  

But am I mentally ill?

Or am I angry and resentful? and trying to distance myself from the people who were insensitive and destructive after realizing that they have no intention whatsoever to understand what happened to me or what part they played within the trauma...  

Is it that there are untied affairs that must be addressed...?  And there was this scientific artical about childhood sexual abuse and distancing of the family member from the family later on in adulthood... Is the sexually abused child turned adult mentally ill?  Labelling someone mentally ill is almost the same as labelling them a criminal... and they will lose friends and family support and career opportunities in the same way as if they were a criminal... and they will also lose their right to make decisions for themselves by those diagnosing them...  Just as I don't have the right to tell my cardiologist that I will not take the Statin, although there is plenty of scientific literature supporting my desire to not take the statins... 

And why do I continue trying to convince you?  

It's like trying to convince a person who hates seafood, especially the smell of it, that they will love the fish chowder or the baked sole...  

Something greatly went wrong in your life, went wrong with you, that you decided that it was much more valuable to destroy me and protect your image to yourself and others at all costs, than to acknowledge what you did and what others did to me than try and truly resolve the problem... 

You claim you don't understand what I'm seeking to gain with rehashing what it is I believe happened back then.  And then you don't understand why I chose to free myself from relations with you and the rest of my family... as if I don't have the right to not have to be subject to your style, to the way you and the others relate towards me...  to my personal experience horribly shared with the rest of you that greatly negatively altered my life and my trajectory....

I was 6-months-old, I was 4-years-old, I was 8-years-old, I was 11-years-old... I was 13-years-old... I was 17-years-old... and no one was within a mile of me to have done what I said they did...  I was all alone... with my imagination... And you were the incredibly loving and supportive mother; hero that everyone claimed you were... And I must be hallucinating all of these years, although I haven't been diagnosed as schizophrenic...  

Mom, tell me one thing:  Why didn't you want me to grow up to be like my father...?  Or to grow up to be like your younger brother, Uncle Henry?  When you visit with Alan Davidson, don't you wish I could have been like him?  Is he really that much more intelligent than I?  Or is it that he had a million times better family structure/support system and personal support by his parents and his grandmother and aunts and uncles?  No one would have placed him in the situation (or left him in that situation) I was in...  You don't feel any sense of disappointment at what my life could have been like... should have been like... had you and the other adults responded differently to the situation (my situation)?

Don't you understand a little bit?

"But, we can't change what happened?"  But we can be more sensitive and more honest and work more towards understanding and change our ways of relating and behaving towards other the other person... "Look, he reacted towards me again...we're fighting or struggling again...he is defensive/aggressive again... he's repeating the same thing about what I do again... Maybe I should look into what it is that I do that may be causing this conflict with him... Afterall, I am insisting that he let me into his life again... and that doesn't give me the right to behave the same way that offends him again... Is there something I did in his childhood that triggers off this reaction as an adult?  Maybe I should consider what he is saying and sincerely work towards not triggering off that reaction... Afterall, I don't know how much more time we have... Or is it that there is this built-in need to make him feel small, susceptable, worthless, faulty? Do I like this game and why I have this tendency towards being sarcastic and offensive...?  Maybe I gain something from the conflict?  Maybe I've always had something subconsciously against him.  Maybe he has a point... Or maybe he's just a piece of shit as I had called him repeatedly over the years and deserves being treated like a bastard, something I called him as a young boy...  Maybe I have this inborn need to continue harming him... truthfully, I can't give him peace... But, I must make everyone believe that I am a repeated victim of him... and that I'm the selfless one always trying to bring him closer to us... regardless of the abuse he subjects us to..."

A little FYI

Before you read the following piece, I must inform you that since March 12th, 2015 I've dropped 9 pounds...  Maybe it's from muscle loss since March 12 was the last time I ran, the last time I did my 72 push-ups and the last time I did my wheel abdominals...  I mention this, because when I was explaining to my mother two weeks ago about my "numbers" referring to whether or not the cardiologist should prescribe the statin... Although I had lost 34 pounds since last March 2014 (actually, I had dropped those between March and the end of July and hadn't reaccumulated them, while increasing how much muscle weight), instead of saying, "well yes Ross, those numbers are impressive and I get your point!", she said, "I think you need to lose some more weight."  I wasn't losing the weight for her.  She wasn't part of that process and all of my research that led me to changing the diet as I had... how many articals and books I've read since March 2014!  And none of them were weight loss guides...  They were about nutrition and health and misconceptions about diet...  I didn't need my mother telling me to lose weight to lower my triglycerides, VLDL cholesterol, LDL cholesterol and blood sugar level... along with 34 pounds and she wasn't on my heels when I was running almost 7 miles per day through July or 5+ miles per day afterwards...  She wasn't telling me to be healthy... to eat healthfully... to diet...  She wasn't thrusting this literature infront of my eyes...  In fact, I was worried about hypothyroidism when I stumbled across metabolic disorder or Syndrome X last February 2014... and went cascading into so much more scientific literature and scientific/medical criticism and personal discoveries...  and haven't painted since December 9th 2013 because this is a much more important priority... and she has the nerve to belittle what I've done and accomplished over the past year, that inspired me to write the prior piece...  

Witnesses... and lost opportunities...

I imagine you don't understand what I write or why I write as I write... or what it is that I'm seeking when I write what I write...

Today, sitting on the blankets below the shade of a few trees with lots of interesting red flowers in the form of bottle brushes and lots of bees circulating above us on the side of one of the fields in the middle of the Metropolitan Park of Guadalajara where we go to run and walk and, now also read and talk or just watch the kids playing or the dogs free chasing each other's tales or sleep in the sun or watch other runners or people pass on bikes... I mentioned to Nicolas and Margarita that although I talk about so many things and projects and health etc. truthfully I don't have faith that anything I say or do will actually cause significant positive change in anyone.  That, truthfully, what I've understood for a while is that they are just witnesses... And I mentioned all that I write on my blog has absolutely nothing to do with optimism that someone will understand what I'm saying and respond positively.  But, that, when it's all over, you'll still be able to access my writings and be witness to what I wrote and what happened or what didn't happen or what should have happened...  

I have this strange belief that when the person as an object in question no longer is here to share with us, that's when we decide that maybe we have lost an opportunity... and maybe it's time that we changed our approach to life... and certain issues, conflicts or ideas.

My life is over.  No, that doesn't mean that I am about to die.  But, it does mean that we've come to the end times, when one doesn't truly have a future for planning... with optimism and all the energy and resources at hand... With the heart attack and the true lack of access to progressive health care here in Mexico where one can expect the medical practitioners to perform their responsibilities in the name of understanding the problem and finding truly adequate solutions unrelated to their opportunity for increasing the size of their egos or their economic status, I've realized that we do not have the flexibility for planning constructively for the future that we had before March 12th; that I've reached the limits of my limited powers and all I can do is the best that I can do... Although I will not put aside my intelligence and ability to think and research and consider a lot of information and realize when someone isn't doing even half of his job... Put aside intelligence and all of the above and replace it with blind faith in faulty "medicine"?  

I've been treated poorly for long periods of my life, especially in my childhood.  Childhood is a very large portion of a human's life considering that 18 years are just a little less than half of the years I've lived up to this point.  And what my mother doesn't understand... and what my sisters don't understand... and what my aunts and uncles didn't understand is that those are the most important years of human's life for their physical and mental development...

So, if my uncle was beating me when I was 4-years-old when my father was dying...  And my older sister Sheri was abusing me in how many ways from the time I was born until I entered high school, since a year later she would leave for college... and if my mother pushed me away the best she could so as not to put herself at risk of forming an unhealthy relationship with "the only man in the house" with the death of her husband (her words in the late 80s), or if she was not only physically abusive of Beth, my younger sister but abusive towards me also, although she would say she was much more violent with Beth...  I guess I should feel fortunate... And, maybe she had a point.  But, her abuse towards me wasn't only neglect, it was emotional... How many horrible things did she say to me?  And if at the same time the children at Old York School and then Central School picked up on my vulnerability and decided I was a fun and easy target too... and, logically the only protector a child knows they have (although that protector may be placed in Rikers Island for physically or sexually abusing that same child) is their parent... in my case, I only had a mother, since my father died when I was 4.5-years-old... and they decide to tell their mother about the bullies in school (and the bullies were popular or became popular with their antics between classes or during recess, so often they had support of the other boys and girls in the classes who were not bullies, but like the game of harrassment and watching the vulnerable boy squirm--a game that Sheri loved playing in the afternoons or evenings or weekends) since the teachers, for some reason or another looked the other way or blamed me for being locked in the locker in the 4th grade classroom... Long winded... Seeking some form of support and refuge in my mother, I told her about what was happening in school.  Afterall, you know what happens to abused or bullied people without any form of productively releasing the negativity, without a healthy support system... without anyone to protect them and defend them...  especially when it is a child between the age of 4 and the age of 16, when suddenly the kids stopped picking on me... (Bullying has suddenly become a hot international topic; a public educational program espoused by UNESCO explains the high risk of suicide caused by bullying).  My mother responded incorrectly:  "you're making it up.  Kids aren't like that.  Teachers aren't anti-Semetic... Beth doesn't experience anti-Semitism from her peers in school... there must be something you're doing that instigates them."

They rolled pennies down the isle.  They asked, "where's your beanie?"  and said, "go back to your temple!" or constantly reminded me that I killed Christ.  And my mother told me that I was inventing.  Now why would a 11-year-old invent such things?  And how is it that I inspired Todd Golub to have the whole 7th grade class (and yes, I'm exaggerating... not everyone participated) call me Poor Boy?  Was it my fault my opthalmologist father died one year into his practice at the age of 34? and that Beth and I wore the hand-me-downs of my cousins whos father (my violent uncle) walked away with $40,000USD (in the mid-70s mind you) of my father's death payment so that they could have a much better life than us, for constructing his new dental practice and putting an addition onto their house and a wonderful renovated basement for social gatherings... etc...  while our house was horribly poor...  No, I didn't invite that... And I didn't invent that... But, my mother claimed that I invented my experience or brought it onto myself...  

Why is the Langston Hughs poem "what happens to a dream deferred" so famous? and why do I remember it so well? Not only because I studied racism and other discriminatory movements and the effects of negative bias etc... But, because I also personally experienced what Hughes referres to in his poem... I was a child.  For the most part, children are innocent and dependent upon adults for structure, security and formation.  In 6th grade someone visited our classroom and asked us what we wanted to be when we grew up and showed us slides of all the possibilities... Afterall, childhood is for dreaming about the future... And the adults with their education systems and their experiences (like learning from your father or mother or uncle or grandfather about their personal experiences and how they achieved their positions etc) and their capacity for teaching us in school or guiding us (possibly in church or temple or summer camp or boy scouts or the gifted and talented club or in family gatherings...) help us make our dreams reality...

But, I had a problem... my father died and my mother became as she became for various reasons and not just one or two (fear of developing an incestuous relationship with me, depression, stress, exhaustion going back to school for the first time in how many years 2 weeks after my father died, a newly adopted and misunderstood feminism, the 70s sexual revolution revolving door of possible "daddy replacements" AN INCREDIBLE RESENTMENT OF SUDDENLY FINDING HERSELF ALONE WITH THESE RESPONSIBILITIES and a "needy child" who had so many problems after the death of his father) and my horribly possessive and abusive older sister and my violent Uncle (deceased father's only sibling) and the children who started picking on me in the 2nd grade...  I was 8-years-old? and then being diagnosed with FAP/Gardners Syndrome at the age of 12 and having my colon removed at the age of 13...  

So, tell me, what was the problem?

I wet my bed until the age of 12.  I suffered horribly from insomnia.  Had some very potent nightmares; was afraid of the dark ...  

What was the problem?  

I couldn't follow the teachers in class... I found myself looking out the window constantly or drumming on the desk...  I was overly concerned with the bullies who paid too much attention to me...  I was afraid to be found in the bathroom alone or between classes... because the teachers weren't there... So, maybe I wet my pants in the middle of class because I was afraid to go there... or was too shy to ask permission, calling attention to myself infront of the class... Because I had called attention to myself in 2nd grade responding to the teacher that I didn't celebrate Christmas when she asked us what we got for Christmas... and the worst of the bullies stood up, pointed a finger at me and called me a Jew.  And that's when it all began in school...  I was just stating the case... And I learned to state the case and stick up for myself a long long time afterwards, in 1997, towards the end of my period at The Russell Sage Foundation when I was diagnosed for the second time with ADHD, and realized that maybe I had something to say for myself... But, working with academic superstars at the Russell Sage Foundation, I also learned that it wasn't truly ADHD but PTSD... Now, 18 years later I stumble across an article in The Journal of Social Science and Medicine from the Library of Science of the National Institutes of Health (NIH) "Does childhood misfortune raise the risk of acute myocardial infarction in adulthood?" stating that the #1 factor affecting the health of the child is loss of his father... #2 factor, Child Abuse... #3 factor, Female Headed Household, #4 factor, Economic Hardship, #5 factor, Illness... With each factor called "misfortune" the risk of myocardial infarction in adulthood increases how many times?  But why?

A lot of my early blog writings focussed upon PTSD and childhood experiences...  

But if my mother knew that I was having a very difficult time with the death of my father...  Afterall, I was a very small child.  Then why did she contribute to the difficulties?  Why did it give her pleasure? Or was she ill?  And how long did her illness last?  Or was it ever cured?  

But that's besides the point.

What was my problem?  My problem was that I couldn't perform in school the way I would have liked to have been able to perform.  And my mother constantly called me lazy... and how many other things...  With puberty and rage and the desire that my peers and Sheri stopped picking on me or teasing me or that Sheri and Beth stopped playing their horrible games and ganging up on me... the desire to be able to respond... I became violent... mostly against myself... I became a problem for my mother until she started sending me to psychologists... And truthfully, I had no idea how to respond to their questions.  And truthfully, they had no idea really where to begin with me...  But, one day, one psychologist decided to have me tested for learning disorders and I was diagnosed with ADD and short-term memory disorder... and sent to a psychiatrist who put me on experimental drugs, since ADD was a very new diagnosis at the time... I was put on Ridelin.

Let me tell you... For a moment, being able to place a name on my "problem" seemed like a solution... and gave me an incredible relief.  Plus, for the first two weeks, the Ridelin made time go by much more slowly and I found myself being able to concentrate on my classwork and finish before the 50 minute class ended... What I remember most was looking at the clock and realizing that I still had time and I had progressed so far in what I was supposed to be doing... I was no longer racing against the clock.  And for the first time in my childhood, I was optimistic about the future... my academic future... since in my extended family a person must go to college and develop a career... I remember my mother commenting about one of her long-term boyfriends, roofer, jack of all blue-collar trades;  "Joe is very intelligent.  Don't get me wrong.  But, his lack of a college education makes him seem very ignorant around college-educated people... You can be as intelligent as you wish.  But, not having a college education makes you stand out like a soar thumb."  The message was; if I didn't go to college, I was worthless...  However, now for the first time, I felt an incredible optimism, probably euphoria at the realization that someone found the cure and I would be able to remove myself from this horrible struggle and be able to go to college.  So, I shared my enthusiasm with my mother, like a typical adolescent who is thinking about what he can become when he is an adult:  "I want to study micro-biology and one day work for NIH on a cure for cancer!"  My mother didn't return that enthusiasm... Instead, she spit out a very destructive typically sarcastic response:  "Today you're a scientist, tomorrow Yankee, yesterday an Astronaut, afterwards the President of the United States... or a fireman or a rock star!"  I guess you can imagine how shattering was her comment... and a week later the ridelin caused a crash, since supposedly I was too old for children's ridelin... and they put me on one experimental drug after another... until I got fed up and realized that there was not solution... and dropped out of high school...  

"What Happens to a Dream Deferred?"

Does it dry up
Like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore—
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over—
Like a syrupy sweet?

Maybe it just sags
Like a heavy load.

Or does it explode?

All of the above and then some... Can a heart explode? Is that an Acute Myocardial Infarction?

And, no, we can't change the past.  But, we can confront the people who continue being destructive... Then, suddenly, we realize that we can't make them understand or respond adequately... we certainly can't make them change.  And if they are subtly mentally ill...  And if they continue responding sarcastically or misunderstanding word for word, letter for letter, as if they have a NEED for misunderstanding, just as you may think I have a need for creating conflict or reacting more harshly than it seems the other person's comment warrants... But, remember one thing, I have repeatedly distanced myself from my mother... even trying to remain out of contact with her because I get very tired of the constant conflict and her lack of understanding or her need to turn everything on its head... at least regarding me...  It took me almost 3 decades to realize a very important truth:  That I am much healthier when totally out of contact with Marsha Norma Nacht (Goldstein/Davidson).  And, no, I didn't contact her. She contacted me... about my heart attack.  And, I foolishly felt it unfair to not respond to her message.  And over the past 2 weeks I've been explaining to her what has happened with my health (which, actually is very good), with the doctors, with other health-related or gene related problems... the limits of the Mexican "health care system" or the education of their doctors or the available medical exams/blood tests or the available supplements, if the issue is Magnesium deficiency or Vitamin D deficiency or Vitamin B3 or B6 deficiency... or the need for detoxifying the liver of heavy metal contamination... or Asthma and related allergy problems... or what is called Under-methylation or problems with metabolizing histamines in the digestive tract...  or the risks of taking pharmaceuticals in the face of all of the above that the cardiologists have absolutely no concern for...  They are called "risk factors"...  And, maybe the heart attack had absolutely nothing to do with cholesterol or saturated fat in my blood or my diet...  But, who is interested in looking at my medical history and all of the other factors?

And I sent my mother so many articals, commentaries, chapters of books, television programs, movies on real-life stories... explaining why one must be MORE PROACTIVE IN THEIR PERSONAL HEALTH AND HEALTH CARE... 

Can you imagine how much time I dedicated to understanding what was going on in my body and what are my options... not only over the past 2 weeks, but over the past 2.5 years...  And, she has the gall to continue her nasty (although to you innocent seeming) games of turning it all on its head... 

In 1997, when I shared with her some drawings of mine, she exclaimed, "Now you think you're an artist and you won't look for a job!!!!???"  It was a month after being fired from the Russell Sage Foundation for "being unhappy there", in the words of Madge Spitaleri... Yes, I was unhappy there as a "glorified secretary"...  And then, 4 years later when I realized that my strength was in the kitchen and decided to try and construct an alternative catering business because of many suggestions by friends and friends of friends about my cooking skills during a few cooking parties, and invited my mother to participate in my fantasy, she responded, "You think your cooking is better than your painting?"  And, I said, "Yes, it's a sure thing, guarranteed all day and every day.  But, my artwork or artistic inspiration is seasonal and on and off... Plus, it is extremely difficult to make a living on artwork, especially if you didn't study art and don't have access to those circles..."  And she never supported me on that endeavor, because I never got it off the ground, for many reasons; most economic...  And then, after renouncing my painting for 7 years after marrying Margarita, in order to dedicate my time and energy and spirit to making our life together secure, developing from scratch food-related businesses that, in the end, brought us prestige (me with the pizza, pastries and gourmet cupcakes) and a certain level of economic security, I started drawing and painting again... on my free time... and HOW... I was painting and drawing much better than I had ever done in NYC and shared with my mother my artwork and suggestions by professionals in Guadalajara... only to receive her typical response: "And now you're going to put aside the coffee business for painting!!!???"  

Is she crazy?  The coffee business is what paid for the space where I painted, the materials and that gave me the free time to paint...  Without the business, how would we live?  But, my painting was good at the time... Although some very very talented artists have said that my artwork is wonderful, it's not great... only good... and possibly interesting... But, never was it sufficiently promising for throwing the business in the garbage...

There comes a point in one's life when they must say, "enough is enough"... 

Maybe not towards other people... but my mother has the tendency towards responding incredibly pessimistically towards me... like an uncontrollable tick... a knee-jerk reaction.  

I could send her a thousand scientifically based articals explaining my perspective and she still won't understand.  Truthfully, I feel as if I just wasted another 2 weeks with her...  I don't have that extra time and energy.

Mom, must I go back to school and gain a Ph.D in nutrition, epidemiology, genetic variations/gene mutations and hereditary disease for you to finally stop contradicting everything I say?

Or is it just a problem you have relating to me; a built in need?

And that's when the no longer child must prioritize the people in their life and sift out what truly isn't healthy for them.

Marsha Norma Nacht, from the age of 4.5 (who knows? Maybe from the time of my birth; [you had told me that you did NOT breastfeed me.  Why not?  Why the aversion?]) you have been very unhealthy for me and destructive.  And, for that reason, I must sift you out of my life.

Maybe you will have the decency one day of informing the others what you did and did not do... and to what extent you are responsible for my behaviors... mental and physical health... 

And if the others don't believe me, maybe these publishings will help:

Developmental timing of child maltreatment and symptoms of depression and suicidal ideation in young adulthood: results from the National Longitudinal Study of Adolescent Health.

Dunn EC, McLaughlin KA, Slopen N, Rosand J, Smoller JW.

Depress Anxiety. 2013 Oct;30(10):955-64. doi: 10.1002/da.22102. Epub 2013 Apr 16.

PMID:

 

23592532

 

Childhood maltreatment as a risk factor for adult cardiovascular disease and depression.

atten SV, Aslan M, Maciejewski PK, Mazure CM.

J Clin Psychiatry. 2004 Feb;65(2):249-54.

PMID:

 

15003081

Childhood misfortune and adult health: enduring and cascadic effects on somatic and psychological symptoms?

Schafer MH, Ferraro KF.

J Aging Health. 2013 Feb;25(1):3-28. doi: 10.1177/0898264312464884. Epub 2012 Nov 15.

PMID:

 

23160525  

Does the influence of childhood adversity on psychopathology persist across the lifecourse? A 45-year prospective epidemiologic study.

Clark C, Caldwell T, Power C, Stansfeld SA.

Ann Epidemiol. 2010 May;20(5):385-94. doi: 10.1016/j.annepidem.2010.02.008.

PMID:

 

20382340  

A population study of childhood maltreatment and asthma diagnosis: differential associations between child protection database versus retrospective self-reported data.

Scott KM, Smith DA, Ellis PM.

Psychosom Med. 2012 Oct;74(8):817-23. doi: 10.1097/PSY.0b013e3182648de4. Epub 2012 Aug 9.

PMID:

 

22879426  

Child maltreatment and adult socioeconomic well-being.

Zielinski DS.

Child Abuse Negl. 2009 Oct;33(10):666-78. doi: 10.1016/j.chiabu.2009.09.001. Epub 2009 Oct 7.

PMID:

 

19811826

MTHFR (what soes that look like to you?) Typical correspondence with my mother

Over a year ago, Jenny had recommended my joining the Magnesium group on Facebook because of my vitamin D deficiency and possibly other things... With the heart attack she insisted I check my homocystein levels and with the results she insisted on my joining the MTHFR gene mutation group on Facebook (my membership is "pending") and connected me with the MTHFR website from which I was connected with the articles on gene reading I sent you last night. Actually, the coordinator of that website connected me with those articles in response to what I wrote that I'm sharing with you below. Inspired by her response, I decided to post the same piece on the Magnesium group on Facebook... later on to realize that I had originally planned upon placing it on th Facebook MTHFR mutation group, but that I'm not yet a member and that I had confused the former with the magnesium group and mistakenly placed the piece on their wall... In any case, I received a whole bunch of responses. The one that annoyed me most or gained my attention most was by an abnoxious person who insisted that I had a sulfur deficiency and posted a bunch of links on the issue of sulfur deficiency and the consequences. Needless to say, I've read about sulfur deficiencies and am greatful to have been connected to another aspect of human health, illness, medicine and science. And, no, I
don't believe I'm a case of sulfur deficiency based upon various physical and dietary reasons. But, I do find it interesting just how a genetic difference or physiological changes or traumas caused by major surgery can affect our health and nutritional standing later on in life.

And think about this: do you know just how important is a person's medical/health history for doctors and hospitals before ever treating the patient? Having been with Beth and I through all of those examinations, doctors, surgeries and hospital case workers, I'm sure you are very familiar with the answer.

So, how the hell could it be possible that the Cardiologist and no other doctor I've met with here in Guadalajara gives a flying fish about anything I tell them about my history, my allergies, my diet etc?

Most humans supposedly aren't born with a gene mutation. So, the doctors or medical industry can treat them as if they are all alike, prescribing the same homogenous remedies... as if the patient is a clone of the other patients... But, what happens when you encounter a "mutant"... someone who is physiological or genetically different?

Remember one thing: I could have died on that table the evening of March 14th... I went into convulsions. My pulse shot up from 68 to 200 before I lost consciousness. My cardiologist said it was an alergic reaction to the iodine in the image resolution ink they placed in my heart. He said that this had NEVER happened in his experience and that the statistics are less than 10% of angiogram patients having an alergic reaction to the ink. Margarita said that when this was happening, he ran out of the "operating room" in search of someone... that someone was an expert in these types of reactions... but what would have occurred had that person not been available on time... or if they couldn't control the reaction?

And why in the name of... doesn't this experience cause the cardiologist to listen to what I tell him about my asthma, slight bleeding problems related to my J-Pouch, my dehydration issue connected with my not having a rectum or a large intestine, my history of allergic reactions to Aspirin, and my duodenitis connected with FAP/Gardners? When you read about the pharmaceuticals he prescribed, it is stated "if the patient is asthmatic or has respiratory problems"... "if the patient has hemoraging or bleeding problems"... if the patient suffers from diarrhea or dehidration problems..." "If the patient has issues with alergies in general..." And, he said, "considering your history, I see absolutely no problem with your taking any of the medications I prescribed."

I don't know if I sent you the Australian article explaining that alergic reactions to the image resonance ink during angiograms has nothing to do with iodine or allergies to shellfish or seafood. It has totally to do with IF THE PATIENT HAS A HISTORY OF A BROAD SWATH OF
ALLERGIES... And the cardiologists and nurses must be aware of that increased risk before the patient is placed within the angiogram.

That said, it is very poor medicine on the part of the cardiologist that he blatantly ignores my medical history and my allergy history.

Now to what I wrote the other day:

Hi, I was recommended by a friend after sharing with her my homocysteine results. On the 12th of March I had a very surprising first heart attack, although I had just spent a week on the beach and two weeks eating purely fish and a year avoiding all refined carbs, wheat products, industrial vegetable oils... The day I had my heart attack I thought it was an allergic reaction to soybean oil in dark chocolate and did 72 fast push-ups, 20 wheel abdominals and ran 3 miles smack in the middle. Then my bp dropped precipitously... The following day I had my routine blood tests to check my glucose levels, LDL, VLDL and HDL (56)... And discovered my AST and DHL (Lactic Acid in the blood) high, that told me that I had had a heart attack 24 hours earlier. The following day I visited with a cardiologist and later on that day I had an angiogram and two angioplasties (stents) placed in the non-heart attack arteries. In the middle of placing the second stent, I had an allergic reaction causing my heart rate to rise from 68 to 200... My body went into convulsions and I blacked out... When I awakened I couldn't see for a few hours... Before the reaction began, the cardiologist exclaimed that I wasn't hypertensive and I claimed that it must be related to my high consumption of ground flaxseeds... which he promptly ignored... Where am I going with this?

The cardiologist and I (along with my mother who works in a hospital in Flemington NJ; I live in Guadalajara Mexico) are in a battle over my desire to NOT take statins... I asked him, if my numbers are perfect, then why lower the cholesterol and triglycerides? And, why did the heart attack cause my bp to remain so low (on average of 106/70 +/-)? He said that it must be because I'm very healthy due to my exercise and diet and how much weight I had lost over the year (actually between March and July 2014; 33 pounds). So, why the heart attack?

My facebook friend and sufferer of MTHRF along with other problems suggested I have my homocysteine taken and it just came back, so she connected me with you, since the results say that I'm fine. 9.83... 

Let me tell you about me: I was diagnosed with asthma as a child. But supposedly I outgrew that. I do not and have never believed that... always with respiration and sinus problems. I have had horrible reaction to apple cider and alcohol (now I know that it is a reaction to sulfates). Was always allergic to cats (although my mother had us with cats throughout my childhood... and old carpets and old furniture) and she had this horrible habit of smoking in the car with the windows closed on hot summer days... In New York City I visited a free asthma clinic and was told that I wasn't asthmatic, but what I suffered from was seasonal allergies. As a child, my mother would take me to Channel Home Center, where I couldn't breath from the fumes of the treated wood... But, I'm the only one who experiences that. I'm also the only one who reacts to bamboo dust and water damage mold spores... A year ago I prepared a bone broth with cows feet, ribs and oxtail and within hours I inflated with 7 pounds of water... I looked like a gelatin bag. That's when I learned about under-methylation and that, in order for me to decrease the inflamation I must rapidly increase my methionine levels by eating muscle meat like chicken breast... nothing near the bone...

I inhereted my father's and paternal grandmothers FAP/Gardners Syndrome gene and had my colon removed at the age of 13 in 1982. Just after 9/11 I had my rectum removed and part of my ileum constructed as a J-Pouch. A year later I moved to Mexico and have suffered horribly when eating any fruit, vegetable or nut/seed high in fiber... until I removed the wheat products from my diet. I have never been diagnosed for celiac... there are many tests you cannot find here in Mexico.  And, in order to test for celiac, first I must return to eating wheat, which I refuse to do, since I know the difference...

Although Jenny sent me Vitamin D 10,000mgs 2 years ago when I was suffering horrible from muscle fatigue and no longer could run and my Vitamin D was at 19, and although my diet is so wonderful and I run without my shirt at midday etc, I find my Vitamin D levels dropping again (now at 27, down from 33 in November). The cardiologists don't want to talk about Vitamin D... And I'm certain they don't want to talk about magnesium or Vitamin C or CoEnzyme Q10... And, here in
Mexico you can't encounter adequate suppliments... 

And here I am being warned that if I don't take Statins, and blood thinners and Beta Blockers and Effient, I will have a massive heart attack since the stents will become blocked within 6 months... And Jenny wants me to look into MTHFR and I'm wondering just how much any of this truly matters... Ok, not so much as that... But, how much of this truly is in my hands now, although I am very diligent and proactive...

And what do you think after having read all of this? I'm almost 46-years-old... and waiting for the next lightning bolt.


"Ross you letter contains so much information, much of what I am familiar with. But it does scare me and I only hope that you are making the correct decisions about how you are managing health decisions. I will try to be as supportive as I can be and try to get you the suppliments that you have requested. But I have to say that I am not 100% convinced that you are able and can be the best diagnostician for all the correct decisions necessary." 


And in Mexico more than 50% of the diagnostic tests available in the U.S. are non-existent... such as testing for Celiac, for magnesium deficiencies, for the different sizes of HDL and LDL cholesterol... for gene mutations... So, as far as can see, I have only one option... and that is to inform myself the best I can and go with that...

A year ago, when I had my vitamin Bs tested, my blood was sent to the U.S. (California), not even to Mexico City where Mexico's best University and medical schools are... Do you understand what that means? If they don't have the ability to test B1, B3 and B6 in Mexico, what type of medical services can they offer? Truthfully, what type of care will one receive?

And you turn all of this writing into the conclusion that I'm the one failing here? Explain to me; what in all that I've written you over the past 2 weeks put it into your head that my cardiologist is doing all that he can to understand what caused the heart attack and what could cause the next one?

As I said, it could have been caused by a sudden gingivitis inflamation that was occurring those two weeks. It could have been caused by general inflamation from an allergic reaction to soybean oil in the chocolate I ate that morning (and the night before) that caused the constricting of the heart arteries... But, he has absolutely no interest in how and why I have so many allergic reactions.

Why is it that I ALWAYS feel like I must spell it out for you letter by letter and you still throw it in my face? Watch "Lorenzo's Oil".  Lorenzo's parents were NOT doctors or scientists but they were forced to work and think that way because the people in their field (for political reasons) were NOT doing all they could for solving the problem. Is there something in what I just wrote that you don't
understand? 

Maybe in 1985, when I was diagnosed with ADD and put on Ridilin and felt optimistic for 2 weeks and said that I wanted to go to college and study microbiology and one day work for NIH on a cure for cancer, had you not responded horribly cruly and sarcastically, "today you want to be a doctor... tomorrow an astronaut, or a fireman or the president of the United States or a rock star!" and said, "well, I think you can be whatever you put your mind to..." maybe we would have avoided a lot of train wrecks and even this past heart attack."

Have a great vacation with those you don't have to tell how to live their lives.

And, by the way, what do you think Bruce would have said to Alan had Alan said to him, "Dad, one day I want to work in the White House..."? Do you believe that just anyone gets to work in the White House? And, yes, if you recall, Alan worked directly with Hillary Clinton when Bill was president...

If you heard another parent respond to their child exactly how you responded to me when for the first time I believed I could make it to college and be someone, don't you think you would have been horrified for the child? And how many concerns would have passed through your mind?

Afterall, my father had been the valedictorian of his Brooklyn College graduating class and then awarded the very prestigious Fullbright scholarship to Purdue University and became a very talented eye doctor.

WHY DID YOU HAVE SUCH THE NEED TO BELITTLE ME AND DESTROY MY SELF-ESTEME WITH SUCH HORRIBLE SARCASTIC COMMENTS?

What is wrong with you?

Second Opinions for Avoiding Medical Malpractice...

What is a "second opinion" and what is a "medical malpractice"?  Must we pay for another doctor for a second opinion?  Must we await for someone to lose their sight or a vital organ or the ability for them to use their mind or for them to lose all of their money in surgeries and medication or for them to die and then for the court of law to determine against the medical practitioner for a truly bad medical experience to have been "medical malpractice"?  Must we live our lives that way?  Must we lose that time and that energy and that money and that life, if we could have done it differently?

I still have my gallbladder 9 years after having been warned that I must remove it to prevent a medical emergency.  Today I have an uninflamed gallbladder free of gallstones... no thanks to doctors; no thanks to pharmaceuticals; no thanks to a surgery I couldn't afford at the time.  

Today we went to the park to walk (Margarita ran the 3.1 miles Nicolas and I walked) and I started having pain in my left ankle and my right knee... similar to what happened 2.5 years ago I connected with my Vitamin D deficiency.  However, what I've been reading, and that Jenny mentioned a year ago, is that Magnesium is responsible for the synthesis of vitamin D into a usable hormone in the kidneys... We brought a blanket and books to the park. Yesterday I downloaded two E-Books from the ReMag website (the Magnesium "supplement" Jenny uses for her MTHFR gene mutation) and brought the one on Magnesium with me. Dr. Carolyn Dean MD, ND http://drcarolyndean.com/ explains that beta blockers, like Statins cause a deficiency in both Magnesium and
CoEnzyme Q10 (and I just realized that I didn't ask you to purchase that... what is most necessary in energy metabolism in the heart muscle; maybe I didn't find it without gluten...)  I'm going to look into the Beta Blockers and magnesium deficiency...

I'm also going to send you the e-book...  I suggest you read it just so you can have an idea what she says about magnesium deficiency and too much calcium.  There are a lot of doctors and scientists stating their opinions on Statins...  But, you must ask where they get their information for stating these opinions.  And why would they lie...? So many doctors from around the world explaining how they went from prescribing Statins to the decision to stop pushing statins on their patients... Opinions.  And they mention scientific studies published in very prestigious scientific journals such as "the doctors..." or "Lancet" or "The New England..." or... that claim negligent benefits from Statins and not enough for outweighing the side-effects...

But, when Pfizer earns $10billion per year just on Lipitor (what my cardiologist prescribed me), they have a ton of money for lobbying, visiting doctors and giving them a free lunch, paying publicity, bribing the FDA to look the other way (on exaggerations), giving nice gifts to research scientists and for altering outcomes and criticism of those outcomes... Afterall, when it is pharmaceutical, it is private business and they must answer to their shareholders... meaning that their stocks MUST rise.  This isn't just my opinion.  It is information repeated by many highly respected and awarded doctors, scientists and science journalists...  Opinion... Everyone has an opinion, even the scientists... even the CEOs of Merck... But, the question is, how much of those opinions are based on truth or based on need... for "towing the line", for being "politically correct", for increasing company value?  And, as I'm sure you will agree, I don't have the background for researching the truth behind what these highly respected people are saying... And, if we had to investigate all of the information that we read (for instance, in the newspapers) to believe that they are not leaving out information, warping information, exaggerating or lying, then we wouldn't open a newspaper EVER...  How can you verify the truth behind anything you read or hear?  

Because a style of healthcare is popular and followed by so many doctors, doesn't make it's the correct proceedure.  If you read the beginning of the Dr. Dean piece and if you read Gary Taubes and if you read Edu Erasmus (never cited by anyone of the new critics, which I find strange... or maybe they consider him old school) you will read the same thing:

In medical school "they" did not teach us health or nutrition (we know no more about what to eat than does the average person).  They just taught us illness.  And what they taught us is that illness has two treatments; 1) medication;
2) surgery.  

And another thing you will read repeatedly is that ost medical schools are highly funded by the pharmaceutical corporations; that they have a vested interest in the medical students learning about using the drugs they sell.  And, since magnesium and other natural means of maintaining health canNOT be patented, there is no money in that for the pharmaceuticals.  What's most important is that curing the patient is bad for company revenues and stock building...  Health does NOT sell.  Illness sells, especially if you can keep the person alive and medicated... for a lifetime.

"Ross, you are hypertensive.  Hypertension is for life.  It has no symptoms.  Meaning that you can feel perfectly fine and still be on the verge of having a heart attack.  So, this means that you must take medication for managing your hypertension... FOR LIFE." 

That's what the cardiologist told me 2+ years ago.  Who taught him that mantra and why?  The most recent cardiologist told me that I am NOT hypertensive.  Who's wrong?  

The most recent cardiologist told me I must take Aspirin for the rest of my life.  There is a whole lot of information that claims that Aspirin therapy actually is unrecommendable due to its risk of causing hemorages and peptic ulcers... Now, if you think about FAP/Gardners and our risk of cancer in the stomach or the duodenum and if you understand that having stomach ulcers greatly increases your risk of developing cancer... must I continue?  But, there are medications for the peptic ulcers, such as proton pump inhibitors, that also greatly increase stomach cancer in FAP patients...

And, no, this is not opinion.  This is based upon scientific research. No, it is not my scientific research.  I'm not a research scientist... But, I spend much more time looking up scientific research than do you and, I imagine many doctors, since they don't have the time.  I don't have the option.

But, what has occured is that all of the doctors with whom I've visited over the past year (1 cardiologist, 1 gastroenterologist and 1 endocrinologist) have claimed that my understanding of diet and health has greatly improved my health in ways the don't see with their patients...  If it had been up to them, I would have been on a whole bunch of unnecessary prescription drugs, although they claim that they wouldn't change a thing I've done with my research based diet over the past year.  But, truthfully, it is not up to them.  It's up to me.  It's my body and I will protect it from the irresponsibility of a doctor. 

Do you think that's being unreasonable?  But, how many times have you heard about asking for second opiniones?  How many times have you read about medical malpractice? Isn't it correct that what I'm doing is "getting a second opinion" for avoiding the best I can "medical malpractice"?

Remember, I still have my Gallbladder...

The 4 causes of Atherosclerosis... and cancer... and...

1) Stress

2) glycation of LDL cholesterol (sugar coating), 

while glycation is most prevalently caused by too much glucose in the bloodstream (see cataracts and brittle corneas), glycation also called AGEs (Advanced Glycation End-Product) is caused by smoking, smoke, smoked food, grilling your food and slightly burning what you fry or bake...  The toasted crust of bread causes AGEs and the browning of meat... You could worry about caramelizing onions.  However, the sulfur in onions and garlic helps gather the oxidized or glycated molecules and transport them to the liver or kidneys for processing...  So, it is very important that you eat lots of onions and garlic (that includes leeks, shallots, chives) if you are concerned that your protein or oil may have been ever so slightly burned...  (smoke factor in oil)

3) Oxidation of LDL Cholesterol

4) chronic inflamation

The issue isn't with cholesterol.  It is with what it is you are doing that causes the cholesterol to change...  and that causes your body to not transport the damaged cells or the damaged molecules (the altered cholesterol) out of the body or that causes your body to cease being able to reconstitute the oxidated LDL cholesterol... that's where anti-oxidants come into play.  You didn't know that oxidized cholesterol can be de-oxidized?

In the U.S. you can test your blood for amount of oxidized LDL cholesterol and for sizes of LDL and HDL cholesterol; what causes damage to the endothelial cells of the arteries (atherosclerosis) are small LDL and HDL particals...  

In Mexico, we can't test for oxidized cholesterol, nor can we test for their sizes.  And bring me a cardiologist that understands this and/or cares a diddle...  

And let the battle begin...

We are now entering into a very personal battle of understanding and explaining...  It's about perceptions of responsibility, carelessness and timing...  My uncle Henry, the marathon runner developed heart problems that didn't kill him, because he was killed by a drunk driver...  But, when you tell people that you had a heart attack, the immediate thought is that you are unhealthy... or irresponsible or careless...  Look up "Caballo Blanco" and how he died... He was an ultramarathoner and the hero in the wonderful journalistic piece "Born to Run"... He died of a certain form of heart attack, in the middle of his daily run.  They found him dead with his running shoes on, sitting alongside a stream...  How old was he? 56? 

What happens if my body was in the process of clearing the plaques from my arteries and one of the plaques broke off and blocked the small heart artery causing the heart attack?  The proponents of the plant-based diet show in their animation of arteriosclerosis and sudden heart attacks that what causes the heart attack is the sudden breaking away of arterial plaque causing the obstruction...  They say you can be VERY healthy and suddenly die in the street...  Nice scare tactic.  But, I don't know if they are so wrong about scaring us into becoming vegans.  The question is, how accurate is their science?

If you look through the scientific studies and look through the internet, you'll find many different political-dietary groups attacking the medical tendency towards leaning so heavily on synthetic/chemical (pharmaceutical) solutions to organic problems...  Each political-nutritional group points their finger at their competitor for dietary-scientific reason.  However, each also claims that their diet protects the patient from having to use Statins and that Statins can be avoided or should be avoided... if you follow their diet...  

The moment we become dependent upon chemical medicine for resolving organic issues within our bodies, we cease placing our complete attention upon what we ingest...  You may disagree saying that I take statins and I follow the Mediterranean Diet.  And I may ask you, "Do you truly know what consists of the Mediterranean Diet?  Do you truly understand what it means?  How often do you 'cheat'?"  And, if your statins and blood thinners are doing most of the work and why you pay so much for them, must you also intentionally consume natural or whole foods that also lower your cholesterol or triglycerides and that naturally thin your blood?  If you are taking supplimental anti-oxidents, must you also drink pomegranate juice?  I will be cooking with fresh turmeric in most of my dishes from now on.  Do you know about turmeric?  Do you know about Nopal Cactus Paddles and Prickly Pears?  Did you know that Turmeric and Prickly Pear and their nopal cactus paddles compete for the world's greatest natural anti-inflamatories and blood thinners?  And, not only are they such, the red prickly pear has the highest level of the anti-oxidant Betalain found on earth...  So, what will it be; diet or prescription?  What is more reliable and what is safer?  Of course you can't know if you don't do the reading... And it helps so much more if scientists not connected with the pharmaceutical companies are researching and publishing on the subject and you can find their articles in the National Institutes of Health National Library of Medicine...

But, I can assure you of one thing:  Your doctor promotor of Statins and Beta Blockers and Blood Thinners has not looked this up on the internet and has not read the articles found in the National Institutes of Health National Library of Medicine.  So, who is wrong?

What is the battle?

Where do we go from here?  How do we go from here?

And it always seems that I cut the writing short.