Pico de Orizaba

Pico de Orizaba
Taken from Huatusco, Veracruz, the closest town to Margarita's family's ranch.

Wednesday, June 8, 2016

Big Bad Leroy Brown and Don Juan's Reckless Daughter revisited from July 1st 2011

How long have we struggled to write my friend? 17 short years growing shorter with age... Is it possible that in my prolonged silences you think that I forget your hipswing poems of NOLA? I don't forget myself although I forget details. Every day another detail lost to the wind and I wonder how it ever was that I thought I would write more with experience. But with experience the experiences fade in memory. I remember your jeep and your crazy driving on the side walk passing traffic in Manhattan and maybe you thought you were Dean Moriarty and your babe from the cape Mary Lou. But maybe you were just yourself better expressed in a book, yet only if you're looking for that illusion. How things change over time. I don't struggle to write anymore. I am the pen and the paper. My feet scratch out the words in the sand or pavement, concrete as I pass and that's my story damn it! FUCK THIS FANTASY! screams out as I crumple up another manuscript of mind and toss it in the waste-paper basket of life. Why must we be heros? 

As I'm inspired to write as I write you now, I feel sad. Because there is truth in the short and subtle rage of releasing boys from our souls and turning off the big screen tv of our minds. Open the door and step out into the light of the street and there you are, YOU. And I wonder about you who taught me about stream of consciousness which became my best writing... What a flow Jack! For the moment no more monkey on my back. Stanley took off with the plan and left me thinking about Leroy Brown somewhere in middle America and that's who we are when we're not flying. Just big dark and heavy figures beating down the fears we harbour and hopefully we don't terminate as he terminated... Rise above the rooftops of our limits and find more free space not so thick aired suffocation... 

And where did I go? I'm still here. 17 years later. Walking my story, loving my story, anticipating my story. And when I die the book will close and how many pages had I written? I ran early in the day. In the sun, you don't float. You cut. For me, it's the duty to complete the run and hope that somewhere during the process I start floating or loafing like a gazelle... But, I accept the difference between almost 38 and that of being 31 and that maybe it's sufficient to reach the end heavy and panting. 3.5 years of apple cake, chocolate cupcakes with cream cheese toppings and fillings, giant cookies and all the pickings and tastings weighing me down. How wonderful it will be that day when I don't live with pastries... I never wanted to bake, but I wanted to make a life here with Margarita and that was the message that entered my mind and I still can't explain how it happened. We were sitting on a park bench in the middle of an enchanted couple of days where I was receiving information about what we were about to do... And suddenly it was time to bake and how we baked! From June 2003 to almost May 2007 we baked. You may ask why that's important when bakers bake or they're not bakers. But that's just it. I'm not a baker and never will be. Just as I'm not a historian nor am I a Jew or a Gringo... Why not? Society places labels but the person has the right to define themselves. And maybe it's not a right so much as a will... I have a will to be clear about myself. I'm not a baker. Maybe I am a Gringo because that's a name placed on an object outsider and can't be chosen... Robert says that they fear him. But maybe it's not so much fear but awe... Do they fear me? No, because I'm short. But maybe it's not fear. Maybe it's down right awe. Robert hops on his steed and he's off, a cowboy riding high and they hop on his back with their eyes and they go for the ride of their mind... I think we're crazy and I fear crazy. But maybe it's not fear but apprehension and you and I never became close friends due to that apprehension. But now who is the more conformed with the baby on the way? But one day you will visit me and I'll still be apprehensive, worried about the pressures towards samba and hipswings and dancing in the streets... But all that lives within me plastered below thousands of pounds of concern about control and security... Is it my mother that rides on my back? 

I remember when I left in that Grehound Bus for the south of the south, knowing that I was jumping off a diving board into an abyss. My mother wasn't sitting with me, nor did I think about her. And I don't remember the best memories of the transformation from American boy to... The passing through Virginia at night and Tennessee during daylight then crossing through Oklahoma at night and Texas in the daylight... Seeing pewter green 57 chevy colored rivers crossing below the highway hundreds of miles before Laredo... Listening to Joni Mitchel's Don Juan's Reckless Daughter for miles and then switching to Plant and Page and back to Joni, Plant never could hold Joni's hand as he wished... I knew I was leaving and there was no way back... Why wait for physical death to experience rebirth? And I'm a ghost reaching into your dream causing more memory returns... I can still hear the songs playing over the radio while calling for subscriptions at the Democrat. It's as live as that as mundane an experience as could have been. But we were together, weren't we? I remember that parking lot at night and saying good-bye until tomorrow. But I don't remember getting you the job. Just that you were there and I imagine it was through me... At the same time I had a friend who fashioned himself after Charles Bukowsky and taught me how to love a cup of black coffee with nothing, no sugar, but a cigarette butt as an accompaniment in the mouth, beautiful smoke crossing my vision, pouring from my nostrils, one cup at a time in refill diners and I was too young to have appreciated him and his experience or to have known him and I regret never making him more important. But I remember him talking about writing in the first person and how I tried to pawn Sue off on him... It was time for me to move on and she was very clingy. Did I pawn her off on you? Or did I know better? How can I be a writer if I can't remember those things? You went down to Vineland no? You went off into that dream and I let you go... I couldn't enter your risk. It was time for me to stop cliff hanging. I am afraid of heights although I've never truly admitted it. I've done some crazy cliff and top of the ladder rung, third story house eave hanging stunts and I don't remember being afraid. But I couldn't go with you and what a shame, because after all was said and done, it's who I was all along... And now we're married. And what does that mean? I'm your older brother. Maybe you knew that and maybe that's what maintains the distance also... And here I am and I haven't written anything... How about that. We're always traveling but doesn't it seem that we're walking on a treadmill? When will the journey truly begin? And what must we do to be able to fully set off on that one? Do you ask yourself that question? Robert, Michael, Jonathan, James... One real man will always be journeying and his wife may not always understand. The Alchemist was written by a man so it was easy for the bedouin woman to tell her lover that it was his nature to journey and, understanding that, she would always be waiting for his return. So romantic. But I don't believe that women are so accepting and understanding of mens journey needs, since that's not their story... And you marry and blame the limitations on your wife when they were the limitations you sought because it's nice to have someone intimate to come home to, a reason not to be so alone and on the road, because on the road you are a bunch of un-tied ends seeking a knot... I knew that I was meeting Margarita somewhere below the South. I knew the journey wasn't to be had so alone. But as you don't know, I've learned the truth of our separateness and the silence I experience journeying so close to another... Here in Mexico I speak two languages and with so many people and we joke around a lot and plan and talk... But the silence is profound and there is no one to confide in as maybe I had confided in before. Sometimes we don't truly know the levels. That maybe you reach an age and you start becoming more silent regardless of the language and regardless of how much you may talk and laugh... It's a profound silence where I expect decreasingly that another person can understand. And I accept it as my journey alone... It's a meditative journey. And the glory isn't so much in the sharing as it had been in the past... And I am happy for my friends and what they experience and accomplish. But I don't enter their lives or their paths even if we're sitting in the same bus looking at the same mountains...

Saturday, May 28, 2016

Vuele del Alma y Linchamientos Literales y Figuratives

En Isabel Allende's novela "El Cuaderno de Maya" escribe Allende... 

"Mis tripas empezaron a sufrir el ataque frontal de las bacterias chilenas. Al segundo día en esta isla caí en cama doblada de dolor de estómago y todavía ando a tiritones, paso horas frente a la ventana con una bolsa de agua caliente en la barriga. Mi abuela diría que le estoy dando tiempo a mi alma de llegar a Chiloé. Cree que los viajes en jet no son convenientes porque el alma viaja más despacio que el cuerpo, se queda rezagada y a veces se pierde por el camino; ésa sería la causa por la cual los pilotos, como mí papá, nunca están totalmente presentes: están esperando el alma, que anda en las nubes."

Estaba yo escribiendo lo del racismo abajo (en Facebook) cuando Margarita me leyó lo de arriba...

Cuando decidí cambiarla vida de Nueva York a Mexico, dije que para NADA brincaré en avión de Nueva York a la Ciudad de Mexico... Demasiado rapido... Necesitaba tiempo para contemplarla salida de una vida hacía otra...

No está contigua la tierra... aunque las fronteras son ilusiones políticas y sociales, la cosa más real y peligrosa que puedes encontrar en la vida y el mundo es la cultura... Los grupos no linchan la gente por verdades... Las linchan por ideas, fantasías, delusiones, necesidades psicologicas, aburrimiento, odio a si mismo proyectado hacía el objeto del linchamiento... La mayor parte de los linchamientos son figurativos... No pasa nada física ala persona... Pero, se encuentra castigada... por ser diferente, tener diferentes perspectivos, por decir cosas tabú, por decirla verdad que estaba aferrando mantener enterrado mil metros abajo la tierra de la familia... Quiere vivir en ilusiones, fantasías la gente... Y no quiere que nadie sepa que cosas tan malas ha hecho...

¿que hubiera pasado si hubiera yo volado en jet desde Nueva York a la Ciudad de Mexico?

Dice Margarita que la razón porque me leyó la pieza es porque siempre estoy hablando del alma que viaje, que se encuentra separado de nosotros... y que tenemos la responsabilidad de encontrarnos con nuestros almas para saber hacía adonde estamos viajando... para saber del trabajo nos tiene metido... porque no es tú mente que decide que tienes que hacer. Tú mente puede ser rependeja... Puede engañarte, como se hace engañarla gente linchadora... Tú mente dice, "tengo que correr hacía la derecha, sin saber que ibas ser atropellada por un autobús de la ciudad. Pero, tú alma te jala hacía la izquierda para mirar una garza blanca al lado del lago en el parque de la ciudad... Tú decides; ponerte en contacto con tú alma, que requiere mucho trabajo y algo de tiempo para concentrar y encontrarte contigo mismo. O abajo las ruedas de la maquina inventada por "hombres" para escapar de su miedo por la naturaleza?

Thursday, May 26, 2016

Pon Atención Por Favor; carta al hemotologo...

Vamos buscar otro Hemotologo. Necesito un hemotologo quien sabe un poco de la deficiencia de IgM y que la mayor parte de hierro se absorbe en el DUODENO...  Estamos cansados encontrar doctores quien no han aprendido como funciona el cuerpo humano y tampoco entiende como funcione el medicamento en el cuerpo...  Tomar aspirina diariamente causa lesiones/hemorragias en los intestinos.  Muchas veces no se ven sin meter una capsula con camara... pero que cause la deficiencia de hierro... En Lunes sangré después de la corrida... Pasa a vez en cuando... A veces puede ser llamado "Ischemia del colon" que ocurre en 20% de casos de maratonistas durante el maratón...  

Que no va decirte Dr. Guaraña de mi arritmia es que, en contra de sus "ordenes" cambie la dosis y horario de Lobivon y aspirina y se quito la arritmia, no gracias al doctor... El me dijo que estaba yo haciendome daño con tanto leer... Pero, tal vez salve mi vida... 

Desde Junio, mantengo un historial de todo que pasa durante el día y mi presión sanguinea...  Y encontré algo muy interesante:  después de comer cerdo, pollo y res, subía bastante mi presión, en mínimo 2 horas; no tiene nada que ver con grasa saturada, ni colesterol... No sube la presión después de comer queso...  Jorge mi cardiologo #6 (recomendado por Dr. Jaime Lopez Taylor) después de dar la patada a los otros, un pneumologo y una endocrinologa y 2 nutriologos...  Y nos hace la pregunta, "¿puede ser tan pendeja gente supuestamente tan instruida?"

Un cardiologo me dijo, "tienes que bajar el sodio!"  Y le conteste, "mira a los estudios enfrente tus ojos!"  Y exclamó a su colega, "está casi deficiente!"  36...  

Necesito ser tratado por la causa del infarto para prevenir otro y les doy bastante información que no quieren considerar:  

1)  Pierdo vitamina D muy rápido (Mutación del gene VDR).

2) Deficiencia de Inmunoglobina M (IgM es responsable limpiarla sangre de cellulas muertas (apoptized cells) y LDL colesterol oxidado;  sin placas grandes, puede causar una obstrucción.

3) Testosterona baja.  Testosterona es que previene la formación de TMAO que cause inflamación de las arterias...

4) Mutación genetica que causa perdida rápida de glutathione.  Glutathione previene la formación de placas arteriales...  Dificiencia de glutathione está relacionada con cholesistitis (diagnosticado en 2006).  Cholecystitis está relacionada con hernia hiatal (tambíen diagnosticado en 2006) y diverticulitis (no puedo saber por no tener colon desde 1983).  Y, los tres están relacionados con la deficiencia de Vitamina D...  

Se que vas decir de escribir una carta ofensiva y que falta respeto a los doctores... Pero, ¿nunca han pensado los doctores como ofenden por su orgullo, su falta de método cientifico y su disrespeto a la promesa Hipocratica?  Soy de familia de doctores...  Todos han muerto...  Mi tio (hermano menor de mi madre y quien fue inspirado por mi padre) y quien tenia su consultorio atrás del Torre Trump, y entre Parque Central y la escuela de Jiuliard, y fue maestro de estudiantes de medicina... y jefe de departmento de un hospital me había dicho que su responsibilidad como doctor es ayudar mejorar la salud de sus pacientes y considerar su situación economica...  Murio atropellado por una grua de la policia de Nueva York regresando a su casa con su esposa arriba de sus bicis en la via de bicicletas, afuera de la avenida... Estaba borracho el chofer... Tenía 56 años de edad... Aparecio su muerte en todos los periodicos de Nueva York y 800 personas a su funeral... Un doctor importante quien creia más importantes sus pacientes...  

Y que encuentro aquí en Guadalajara es que la unica cosa que importa a los doctores es el Status Quo... y defender sus colegas... 

Yo necesito trabajar con doctores quien toma en serio la información que está enfrente de sus ojos... No con personas orgullosas protegidas por la ilusión de su posición y prestigio...

En Enero, visite con Jorge y estuvo muy sorprendido que no hubo nada de arritmia... Y le dije que fui muy encontra sus ordenes y quite el problema...  Y le dije del problema de haber comido pollo por la primera vez en semanas y la subida de presión... Me preguntó como la baje... Y no le dije ni cerca todo.  ¿Porque no?  Porque es una persona quien cree que por ser doctor, el es la única persona quien puede responder (controlar) a una situación medica...   Más, afuera de lo alopatico, no va entender...  Entonces, ¿para que encontrarme en una lucha libre con alguien extremadamente orgulloso sin la capacidad de entender?  Solo seria un desperdicio de energía y salud.

Imagino que vas compartirlo esto con Jorge...  y lo de más del mundo medico...

Friday, March 18, 2016

Rape of the world; War of the sexes... Original sin; original disrespect...

On facebook a video was shared about "anti-rape" underwear... and a question was asked:  

" it is pretty sad that this type of garment even has to be considered. It begs the question: Why is this needed? What happened to society? Where are morals? Where is punishment?" 

The first thing that entered my mind watching the video was 

"I agree with Ella (woman in Spanish); it was the first thing that entered my mind that it's a shame that she must live with all of this and not be able to just walk out into the street or into a social situation relaxed...

And I continue:

And the question of what happened to society is a question that must go back thousands of years...

Another question is what happened to society in that much of the information about sexual assault and rape and self-defense and concerns about public space (lighting etc...) has come to our attention... I'm certain that it has nothing to do with the case that sexual assault and rape has increased so much as people are talking about and acting against it... 

Remember, the European Union refused the entrance of Turkey because of the rampant "assisted suicide" by parents and siblings of rape victims... Assisted Suicide? No, and nor was that what the family members and the Turkish government was claiming; someone learns that their sister or daughter was raped and they throw her off the roof, later claiming that she jumped... We can lump this into the same realm of the U.S. courts claiming that the victim of gang rape brought the violence upon herself because she entered the bar wearing a mini-skirt... 

500 years ago +/- European nobels or other large land-owners had the right to "sample" the woman who was about to marry a man who rented land from them... How many cultures required that the fathers of the bride and groom sit in upon the act of consecration of the marriage to prove that the newly wed wife allowed her husband to have sex with her... and to prove that she was "intact"...? And, if I'm correct, that ritual existed into the 20th century... How about the right to kill the wife if she doesn't give birth to a child after a certain amount of time... Before fertility tests existed, the wife was always accused of being infertile if the couple didn't have a child... And how about the right to kill the wife for infidelity... and if the husband was unfaithful? Was the wife allowed to kill the husband? 

But, back to the question of rape... 

If there actually was a rise in sexual assault and rape during the past century, how much is related to the emergence of mass media? How women are portrayed on the billboards, the covers of magazines, in commercials, movies... etc... what sells?  The woman's body is what sells...

Granted, the idea of rape is about a psychological issue of rage against women and personal insecurity of the man... reason why rapes decrease greatly when the women are more aggressive, more energetic, more confident... The rapists tend towards being insecure, which is why they must resort to "robbing" sex and not participating within the interpersonal process that may lead to consent... 

Truthfully, if I were asked what happened to the society, I would say that we must go back thousands of years, look at how the bibles were written and the modern religions were structured and why... 

How is it that God became a man who was able to mysteriously/magically inseminate Mary (without her knowledge; is this the true "original sin", since Mary was raped by god?) and now God has a son, but God doesn't have a wife and Jesus really only has a father... So, we must ask how and why did this happen to our society and what were the repercussions? Actually, what happened before that part of the story was written in which the repercussions were the writing of the story in which God gives birth to a son through his omnipotent penis? Actually, the penis isn't omnipotent, but magical. It's a magical wand... 

The question is that of respect or lack there of... The man is taught to disrespect his mother, allowing all forms of atrocities be performed against his sisters and daughters... 

Respect... 

Like the "original sin" we have the "original disrespect"... and in the end, it turns into a disrespect of ourselves as human beings... 

What is the original disrespect? 

It's the moment when the society decides that men are more important than women, justifying all forms of harm and negligence against women from the moment they are born... 

How many societies exist on this planet where the son inherits and the daughter is "sold" to another family? The son carries the family name and the daughter is just a disgrace (especially if the woman only gave her husband daughters)... Remember "Like Water for Chocolate"? How Tita was born to care after her mother? 

In how many societies are women born into servitude for their family? 

I can tell you about my wife's family... And we learn that the mothers are just as responsible as the fathers for teaching their children to disrespect women and teach sexism... My mother-in-law is horribly resentful towards my father-in-law. However, she taught her 8 sons and 4 daughters that the men are princes and the daughters are there to serve their brothers... 

Where do you begin? How does this end? 

And you may have been a bit offended that I responded to what many believe the realm of women with room only for womens' voices... 23 years ago I began attending a college that was 60% female and highly feminist; some really great womens studies classes with really awesome professors... And everywhere we walked we found ourselves being looked at with suspicion and even disdain... How many times were "doors dropped upon me" by feminist militants entering the buildings infront of me... I complained about this to one of the female house moderators who explained that intentionally not holding the door open for the following person, especially if the door will slam in his nose, is called "dropping doors"... But, this same person and others had the tendency towards calling the men who weren't stereotypically macho, SNAGs (Sensitive New Aged Guys)... What I found is that not only did my perspectives and my tendency to speak out against sexism, male-chauvanism, double standards, pop-culture tendencies, subliminal messaging... you name it... alienated me from my male peers, they also alienated me from my female peers... And I'm not talking about my college days when I wasn't so outspoken... 

The truth is that rape can be defined very broadly and that we should start considering the broad sense of the concept of rape... kind of like Tracy Chapman's "Rape of the World", although sticking towards the question of what happens to our society when we intentionally ignore or attempt towards erasing the most important truth: that ALL of us began our human developement within our mother's womb and that when we were born it was generally our mother who calmed us and fed us and made us feel safe and nutured us in so many ways and protected us and taught us who and how we are regardless of gender... That supreme court judge just like that military or police official and that dictator and that plantation owner all were newborn babies dependent upon their mother... When did we learn that that wasn't the truth? 

When was it decided that the mother or the woman didn't have so much importance; that the reason for truly respecting them was invalid? What were the repercussions? What are the consequences? 

And that's the true rape... the original rape... the constant rape... and all other rapes, although more acute and seemingly more violent, are just products of the greater rape of the world... Until we understand and "accept" what happened and until we as a human society made up of both the male and the female genders/sexes decide that we truly want to change the situation, you'll be asking the same question until we've succeeded in exterminating ourselves... Men and Women must truly want to address the truth and accept it... And that means that not only must men truly respect women, women must truly respect themselves... and desire to end the "war of the sexes"...

Wednesday, February 24, 2016

End-Stage Desmoid tumors; a commentary and a response

The idea of end-stage Desmoid tumors and the classification of Desmoid tumors being "Benign" is incredibly ironic...  It's also ironic that you can have a type of cancer, which is malignant, but puts you at a very low risk of dying.  If you understand the possible courses of Desmoid tumors you could imagine yourself as your vital organs and the desmoid tumor as a steamroller or that line of tanks in Tiananmen Square during the student protests of 1989, you being that protester standing infront of the 4 tanks, detaining them momentarily.

"Benign" has two general definitions: 1) Gentle; Kindly, 2(Medical Definition) harmless, not malignant.

So, how can a desmoid tumor be both "Benign" and lead you to an end-stage situation where the doctors tell you that there is nothing they can do?

I was intrigued by the beginning of a post in the F.A.P. group on Facebook:

Hi. Sorry, but this is a long post: I have just had my session with my psychologist and he suggested I chat with you.


And it continues:

I've got Gardners. I had a desmoid in my left rectus muscle removed and with the muscle also being removed have mesh there (2002). Now on the opposite side of my non-existant belly button 

...interesting to read, since I've heard myself saying the same thing about my non-existent belly button; something that must have incredible psychological and symbolic importance for the person who says so...

I have both a good sized desmoid (who I named Harry) and a incisional hernia (who I have named Horatio). The desmoid has been around since 2003 and hernia since 2011 and it is getting bigger. Naming these 'things' helped me cope initially somewhat and tell myself that they are not part of me. But, since November last year, they have grown a little more and are more out there (there is no more they can do medically). The name calling is not working. I detest them. I have now purchased a hernia belt to try and help. Surgically I have been told that I am untouchable as they worry they will lose me on the table - unless I get a bowel obstruction which requires surgery, and only then will they deal with the hernia and desmoid (its in amongst the jejenum and blood supply to the bowel). I find it difficult to accept that they won't look after the hernia and desmoid unless they are pushed because I feel that my psychological concerns to me are equally valid as an argument supporting the surgery. But, anyway, I am currently working on accepting this and moving on.


Anyway, I really detest, hate my desmoid and hernia and that part of my body and find it very difficult to look at that part of me at all (including when dressed). I can be having a great day walking around the shops until I see someone look at my abdomen and then back to my face and then back to my abdomen and then all I feel is disgust and embarrassment and then self-hate because of what I have to deal with and how they make me feel. I immediately move quickly to the ladies bathroom and lock myself in whilst I either cry and/or try positive self talk to change how awful I feel inside. And the thing is, I don't walk around flaunting my abdomen - it's not there for everyone to see.


So, what I would like to know, from anyone dealing with similar circumstances, is how are you coping and dealing with this? what do you do? I write in a journal and I try and practice mindfulness and obviously I talk to a psychologist, but, still I have this unending deep level of disgust and hate for the impact of the hernia and desmoid and the area in my body they are situated.


Although I don't experience desmoid tumors, I felt that the reason for her psychologist suggesting she ask FAPers about how they think she should respond to the situation, or how do they respond to the situation is so that someone will offer a productive coping mechanism applicable to her situation... removing psycho-theoretic conjecture and educated guesses by someone most probably without any related personal experiences on the subject. How do we relate to the situation and cope with it? So I responded:

This is both a psychological and existential concern, meaning that your mental health is being affected by your philosophical perspective of the issue. However, the truth is that it has less to do with appearance and how people look at you than it has to do with what the desmoid tumors truly mean for you: Lack of control, lack of medical (and possibly community) support and what seems like an imminent risk of death... I don't know how long you've lived with the diagnosis of FAP or when the first surgery was performed. Nor what the doctors told you about your future... Of the 6 grandchildren of my paternal grandmother who died very young and passed down the APC gene to her only two offspring. Only my older sister was found "free" of the gene (although no one has talked to her about the possibility of Attenuated FAP). One cousin died of a Brain Tumor at the age of 16. My younger sister developed cancer of the Thyroid at the age of 26 and rectal cancer 17 years later... I have an osteoma just above my left eye which EVERYONE notices and my cousin suffers horribly from desmoid tumors. I'm certain that decades ago the doctors told him "you're fortunate, desmoid tumors are benignant!" But, with experience (as you have), he learned that they can kill you by destroying everything in their path... But, that's what living with FAP is about, especially when we realize that what we were told about the colectomy removing the problem and that we could live free of worries later was far from the reality we would discover after the 80s... The portal vein that delivers blood from the small intestine to the liver and the heart (delivering almost all of the nutrients your body requires) is the largest vein in the body. So, surgery in that region would be extremely risky. When I had my J-pouch surgery removing my rectum, with the rectum and the prostate being incredibly "intwined" (actually, what is intwined are the nerves that enable the prostate to perform it's reproductive duties), just before the surgery, I asked the surgeon about the risk of sexual dysfunction. He didn't want to hear that question and he clearly lied or exaggerated about his and his partner's surgical expertise and the risk of something occuring... Well, "they" made me incapable of creating children... Who knows? Maybe they did a favor for my future wife and unborn children... Maybe they saved my life (prolonged it) with the surgery. Maybe they exaggerated the risk of not having my rectum removed. We can't truly know... What would happen if we were born knowing and understanding the reality that our destiny could be death any given "following day"? That we knew that there are an infinite number of ways we may die and that death could be any moment between our first breath and our 110th year? No, you are not your desmoid tumor and your hernia... But, they are realities within you... and they very well are an active part in your destiny. There are things we must accept. It's true, you can look for a second opinion. Maybe another surgeon would be willing to perform the surgery. Hopefully they aren't looking for more work and more income (that is a modern medical reality; performing unnecessary surgeries in order to fill your surgical work week and for paying heavy debts). But, what happens if you die on the surgical table by an irresponsible or a concerned doctor? Death is a moment we all encounter. And, yes, I've thought most of life about the luxury of not having to worry about the impending... Does that make those people (like my mother) fortunate? Those who've never set foot in a hospital for their own illness and/or surgery... My mother will be 72-years-old this year... While she's ALWAYS been with us during our surgeries and the surgeries of ALL of our relatives, she clearly doesn't understand our suffering and concerns and often has responded as if we are hyperchondriacal and inventing our ailments... She told my sister that the lump in her throat was "in her head"... and then my sister was diagnosed with Thyroid Cancer... And, yes, it is possible that the concerns related to the clear unknowns of FAP causes hyper-sensitivity towards certain physical states making it seem that we are inventing our problems... But that is also true existential reality of our experience WITH OURSELVES... This is extremely personal and no one can tell you what to do, how to do it, nor what you SHOULD feel. And that's why I prefer focussing upon the existential reality... How much of this genetics is out of our hands? Sometimes investigating and changing diets and leisure-time and sleep habits and trying to be proactive is a way of feeling in control, hence feeling better about yourself... It could be a necessary distraction. But, it is also important to understand who you truly are as a complete human being, understanding that you are mortal and finite... I think it is very important to focus upon your true qualities; what makes you happy about who you are... focus upon what you truly enjoy doing in your life (as long as those things aren't harmful to others or self-destructive; granted, you could say, "what is the problem with being self-destructive if that's taking matters into my own hands at the same time creating momentary satisfaction/enjoyment, while FAP and the desmoids are destructiveness outside of my control?") Is there something that makes you positively different from others? That makes you important for yourself? If this year is the last year of your life regardless of the cause or reason, how would you choose to enjoy it and what is there to appreciate about yourself? We can't control our negative genetic reality. We can't control 100% the course FAP takes within our bodies. But we can see ourselves differently, in a different light... If this is the last year of your life, should you spend it destroying yourself mentally? Or should you focus on what is truly wonderful/beautiful about you and your world? What is the last thing you wish for those close and important to you to remember about you? Your strengths and your constructive contributions... What fills you positively, especially when you aren't thinking about FAP, desmoids and hernia? I hope this was helpful.

Since the woman who shared the original post lives in Australia, I didn't receive her response until this morning.  Truthfully I was a bit surprised...

Thank you so much Ross for sharing so much; I read this last night and it really hit home. I couldn't respond because a great deal of what you explained so eloquently was how I have been feeling inside and had been stewing over over the years. I was first diagnosed in 2001. In 2002 they gave me 6 months - well that was what my parents were told. I made it through then and in 2012 was told bluntly it could be any given day. Quite often I say it is what it is. I am OK with there being no guarantee on where I will be one month one year etc from now since I am now used to the idea. I suppose naming these hernia and desmoids might have given me some distance from all that they are. The fact that they are different now to last year has I think shaken me and they have taken my focus from what I enjoy from who I knew myself to be

Thursday, January 7, 2016

Did you know?

The year 2015 was my 13th complete year in Mexico and the 13th year Margarita and I were together.  2014 was a year of impressive optimism.  However, 2015 quickly evolved into a nightmare with José's accident entering the city of Leon that destroyed the truck he was driving.  That same month Margarita's grandfather died and one of Margarita's nephews (14-years-old) who's private school education we were planning on paying for the following year ran away from home with an older "woman" shattering that plan.  And then a little over a month later I had my heart attack and the interventionist cardiologist (who was recommended by the gastroenterologist who in December would prescribe me ampicillin after having asked me if I had any allergies and I responded "Penicillin") would inadvisedly tell me to take the Beta Blocker and Aspirin before going to sleep which would lead to all of the night time emergency situations since June, ignoring all of my statements about problems with the aspirin and the beta blocker...  Plus, the evening of the angiogram I had an allergic reaction to the resonance ink they were pumping into my heart; although 10 percent of patients undergoing an angiogram have allergic reactions to the resonance ink, my cardiologist had no idea that such a thing could occur.  Not only was he taken by surprise, I wasn't asked the standard questions about my allergy history before they began the angiogram so that they could be prepared for the event.  So, between March 14th and late November I saw 6 different cardiologists and spent tens of thousands of pesos (one dollar is worth 17 pesos) on doctors and hi-tech exams, not to forget about how much unnecessary stress to which I was subject... fear, the belief of imminent death due to the intense arrhythmias that awakened me at night etc... and how much we shaped our world around the incredibly increasing risk factor connected with what I was certain was a feable heart...

Now you may be asking what has occurred that makes me write as if something has suddenly changed in 2016...

Today I visited with the most recent cardiologist and had the routine check-up with the electrocardiogram...  I told him that I had cut the beta blocker dose in half (against his recommendation in early December.  In fact, he had told me, if anything, he would increase the dose to deal with the arrhythmia) because I was certain that it was the beta blocker causing the arrhythmia... and that at the half dose I don't experience arrhythmia...  After doing the routine stethoscope exam and the electrocardiogram the cardiologist exclaimed, "You don't have any arrhythmia" and suggested that I continue on the half dose of the betablocker and take up yoga classes for improving my breathing...  Although I was very tense when he was doing the exam and checking my blood pressure (with my intense battle with the cardiologists, I suffer horrible "white coat hypertension"), my bp only rose to 130/80, which kept him tranquil.  We talked for a little while longer.  I explained what happened with the gastroenterologist and the Ampicillin in December and he responded, "we've gotta find you another gastroenterologist, but after we remove you from the Effient anti-platelet drug in 4 months..."  And told me to make an appointment for April...  

You have no idea how relieved I am... to have finally come out on top of this horrible battle over the past 10 months.  It's not just about the betablocker.  But the finding about how aspirin interacts with the pineal gland, blocking the secretion of melatonin was incredible and has changed things dramatically, especially how I sleep.  

But back to the betablocker:  In December I noticed that I experienced arrhythmias for 4 hours after taking the drug during the day.  Now, combine 4 hours of arrhythmia with continuously broken sleep caused by Aspirin blocking the secretion of Melatonin after taking the two at 11pm or 12am...  and you have the first emergencies of mid-June that sent me to the hospital, although by the time I arrived there, the electrocardiogram wasn't registering anything, since 4 hours had passed since taking the pills.  5 months later, when I wore the 24 hour Holter, at least 80,000 double and triple beats were recorded, most of them at night, because I was still taking the pills before going to sleep.  

Not much more to say at the moment, except for mentioning the comment the most recent cardiologist said in early December that my intense reading was harming me...  Would he repeat that statement today, a month later?  If I hadn't read about the function of melatonin and the Pineal Gland, I wouldn't have been able to confirm the relationship between taking Aspirin at night and my incredibly difficult night time experiences since June.  But there are so many more scientific, medical, nutritional and behavioral findings I've read about that can only aid in my and other peoples' health... but only if we can encounter progressive medical assistance...  There's only so much one can do without adequate resources.  It's kind of like the question:  "Is the solution to the incredible air pollution of many Chinese industrial cities the fabrication of liter oxygen bottles in Canada and China importing those bottles and selling them to wealthy Chinese for at least 15 dollars a pop?"

Wednesday, January 6, 2016

FAP and non-colorectal cancer risk

After having preventative surgery (colectomy) the FAP patient ceases being at risk of developing cancer of the colon (because they no longer have a colon).  When I had my colon removed, it was believed that the issue of FAP ceases until we have children and must worry about the future discovery of polyps in our childrens' colons when they enter puberty.  34 years later, we know that this was a very limited understanding of FAP and that maybe we should be much more concerned about the greatly increased possibilities along with what is yet to be understood.  Hence:

"The cumulative probability of developing any type of a noncolorectal cancer, mostly periampullary tumors, is 11% by age 50 years and 52% by age 75 years."

This is a quote from an article published by Medscape http://emedicine.medscape.com/article/175377-overview#a6

Putting this in perspective: on 0.3% of the U.S. population will develop cancer any given year (300 of every 100,000 people).  That said, you must understand that the rate increases dramatically after the age of 45.  For instance, in 2014 there were only 53,990 new cases for men/boys under the age of 45 and only 87,920 new cases for women/girls under the age of 45.  However, that rate increased more than 10 fold for men and women over the age of 45:  801,230 for men and 722,400 for women.
 

Not only this, the article mentions that some people express their APC mutation much later in life called AAPC instead of FAP, the onset of polyps appearing around the age of 36 and colon cancer appearing at the age of 54. Makes me think of the APC gene that my father inherited from his mother and the APC gene that my uncle inherited from that same mother; On my uncle's side, Turcot's Syndrome also appeared. But supposedly on my father's side, no... So, is it possible that those family members who were found without polyps at puberty and deemed free of the struggle, yet were not genetically tested, could find themselves in great risk as they approach their 50s? And what about their children who they believed were free from the colonoscopies at puberty? Could they be placing their children at the same risk of the deceased and unknown grandparents?

Thursday, December 31, 2015

Letter to a fellow traveller... Imminent death or...?

The fellow traveller is a friend of a friend recommended to me because of what I wrote her about Aspirin, Insomnia, The Pineal Gland and the hormone Melatonin (not to be confused with Melanin).  The fellow traveller is a 45-year-old diabetic man, father of 2 young children with 15 stents in his coronary arteries...  "Fortunately" for him, his cardiologist did a biopsy or sampled his arterial plaques and found 50 bacteria and 30 fungi in them...  But, the question is "what was the cardiologist's response to finding those bacteria and fungi?"  In 2015, we now know of the small intestine-heart immunological connection within heart disease.  We also know that the colon can function as a preventer of heart disease when it comes to Enterolactone and Bifidobacterium, if you have healthy intestinal flora and eat enough plant fiber.  But will the cardiologists consider this perspective?

Oh, just so you know; all of my recent cardiac issues since August are related to the lack of understanding by part of the doctors of how medications interact with the body and how to prescribe them. Aspirin turns off the pineal gland that secretes Melatonin that is responsible for not only the body's clock (the circadian rhythm) but also the cycle of secretion of T4 by the Thyroid, Adrenaline by the Adrenal glands and Insulin by the Pancreas.  I was told to take Aspirin and the Beta Blocker at night. But, Aspirin causes night time awakenings and the Beta Blocker can cause arrhythmias and heart cramps (Prinzemetal Angina)... that awaken the person not long after falling asleep.  My current cardiologist's response to my desire to decrease the beta blocker to remove the arrhythmias was the reverse; "If anything, I would increase the dosage!"  The anti-hypertensive he prescribed caused migraines, fatigue and "auras".  Today I'm not taking the anti-hypertensive, am taking half the dosage of the beta blocker and taking the aspirin 4 days per week and in the morning.  I'm also taking Melatonin 3mgs 2 hours before going to sleep.  My arrhythmias have ceased.  My sleep is almost perfect, my nocturnal hypertension has decreased dramatically, I don't awaken to heart cramps or taquicardias and I almost feel normal.  Thanks DOCTORS!

Back to the letters that you may find informative for your own needs:

Fellow Traveller:  Hi there, I'm one of J's online friends. She mentioned you were doing a bunch of research around heart health. I'm doing that too and would love to chat with you.
Do you do google video hangouts or Skype?


Me:  I've never done one or the other... Since moving to Mexico 13 years ago, I "lost" my English Language voice... (basically 13 years only speaking Spanish).  J tells me that you are 45-years-old suffering from some form of heart disease.  Well, that puts you and I into a special club: the supposedly 10% of those with heart disease below the age of 70 years...  I'm 46-years-old and the issue came as an incredible shock to me 10 months ago.  I've spent the past 10 months since the heart attack battling mediocre cardiologists here in Guadalajara Mexico and contradicting them left and right with what I've found in medical-scientific literature.  Needless to say, they don't like me very much.  I'm assuming you live in the U.S. which makes you semi-fortunate being that you have access to more than two sides of medical science: the conventional, alternative and naturist approaches (all highly trained).  Here in Mexico there are only 1.5 options: the conventionally trained on the most extreme right U.S. model greatly influenced by the pharmaceutical companies that have full reign here in Mexico (what is banned by the FDA in the U.S. is not banned here); since the new Mexican cardiologists feel that they have "arrived" at the pinnacle of medical education since they believe that they are learning the best of the best medical technique since it is the U.S. model, they believe that there is nothing else they could learn; such as the connection between respiratory infections and heart disease or Vitamin D deficiency and heart disease or Helicobacter Pylori and heart disease... And they believe that the answer to everything is prescription medication, even if what they prescribe may actually be making the situation worse for their patient.  For instance, it is clear that Aspirin at night causes insomnia, which causes "inbalances" within the endocrine system and causes hypertension and other exhaustion related problems.  Aspirin taken every day also causes digestive issues.  Now, if you develop malabsorption issues caused by aspirin taken every day, you will have additional heart problems.  I take the top/newest betablocker.  But, it is clear that the betablocker causes arrhythmias for 4 hours after taking it...  But, the cardiologist believes that it may be an issue of needing to increase the dosage when I find that decreasing the dosage removes the arrhythmia...  As for the other half option here in Mexico (a type of chamanism), well, the herbal/natural remedies may be very questionable as is the "intellectual" capacity of the natural healer.  I do believe that we must understand genetics and be able to look at blood tests and the corresponding levels along with other technological anomalies, which a natural healer here wouldn't be able to do.  

Another thing that the Mexican cardiologists don't look at (probably because the tests aren't available in Mexico) and really have no interest in is chemical/heavy metal toxicity and allergies.  Along with my genetic testing done this past summer, I also had a toxicity test done.  I am almost certain that I can show the cardiologists the cause of my issue; when you understand the cause you are closer to the cure and you are also better capable of preventing future events.  But if the doctors have no interest in the cause, then they don't truly have an interest in your health.  This is the problem I've found.

Feel free to respond as you wish.  Maybe I have information that you may find interesting.

Ross

Feller Traveller:  I've been running down the internet rabbit holes looking into any old quack theory that has no downside and been adding it to the kitchen sink approach. I have diabetes which has screwed up my arteries, I'm looking at 15 stents on the angiogram  and have a surgical consult for the atrery that feeds the left ventricle, as that is apparently totally screwed. I have angina pretty bad and cant get my bpm past 120. I'm 45 with 2 young kids.

So far I have come to the conclusion that the 50 bacteria and 30 fungi found in the plaque probably is the culprit.  So I started taking a Sodium Chlorite with Citric acid concoction that is a little questionable but my intuition said I needed to take it. I have also worked on my gut bacteria with probiotics, resistant starches and fiber. Again from following intuition.
The Linus Pauling therapy with vit c seems like a good adjunct and I have been making my own lipisomal vit c. I also really like the Thorne brand turmeric for inflammation as well as all the other miracle stuff turmeric does.


I have low vitamin d and have been taking supplements for that but I will look into that closer as it seems to go hand in hand with calcium....which I am taking vit k2 to try to dissolve the calcified plaques.

I'm taking a bunch of other stuff too as I read up on things, my sister is a naturapathic doc and I get vitamins at cost. I'm going to the most alternative cardiologist in Seattle but have little faith that she will help much....its all about cholesterol and statins she says...diet and exercise too. SIGH...such a pain in the ass to find people who want to look at reality and try to cure vs treat it since the profit is in treating it while you slowly die.

Anyway, check out the Chlorine Dioxide stuff....its a bit quacky but the first dose went straight to my heart and did some stuff...I'm still taking it and it seems like it might have reversed diabetes.

I did the genetics test and chatted with Jenny about it....there is a good resource, she has been down a bunch of rabbit holes. 

If you have read any good books shoot me a list....if you want my list of supplements in a spreadsheet I'd be happy to share.

Best of luck, FT

Me:   I was going to respond in depth to your message later on in the evening.  Although it is New Years Eve...  My father died on New Years Eve (I inherited his disease) 41 years ago (he was 34-years-old and a doctor).  So, I grew up without the New Years Eve enculturation...  However, after your mentioning throwing a few good books your way, I decided to quickly write you.

The last book I read is by the British Epidemiologist Dr. David Grimes called "Vitamin D and Cholesterol; the Importance of the Sun".  It clearly isn't quack theory but clearly goes against the 60 years of faulty medical science of the Cholesterol--Heart theory.  Plus, it is incredibly informative and fascinating how he connects so many illnesses to lack of sunlight.  What does surprise me though and makes me wonder if he felt pressured to be able to publish the book by stating the miraculous healing affects of Statins regarding heart disease and cancer.  I am almost certain that "the powers that be" would have squashed his book had he both debunked the cholesterol myth and written against statins.  However, his argument for statins is that they function as immunological and D hormone precursors (not cholesterol suppressors) and that their function actually came as a surprise and has not been explained or researched since the faulty medical scientists continue (in 2009) focussing 100% on cholesterol.  Truthfully, he spends little time on Statins, although his message was strong and clear enough for the pharmaceutical companies to be happy with him.  For me, what is most interesting about Grimes' argument is his focus upon Latitude.  I had absolutely no idea that England, Ireland and Scotland were so far north of New York City/New England.  In fact, that they are almost in the Arctic circle and are at the same level as Alaska.  So, if anyone should be an expert on Vitamin D deficiency and Ultraviolet Rays, those from the British Isles and Scandinavia should be...  Not only does Grimes focus upon Heart Disease, he focuses upon Lung Cancer, Diabetes, Hepatitis, Tuberculosis, Multiple Sclerosis and Bronchial infections.  For me, "Vitamin D and Cholesterol..." is a 600 page must read. 

Another wonderful book to read for solidifying the argument against the heart-cholesterol argument is by the medical journalist Gary Taubes"Good Calories, Bad Calories: Challenging the Conventional Wisdom on Diet, Weight Control, and Disease"... You may wish to look at his 2002 New York Times Magazine article "what if its all been a big fat lie?" http://www.nytimes.com/2002/07/07/magazine/what-if-it-s-all-been-a-big-fat-lie.html.

I have a few books by Naturapathic Doctor, Michael T. Murray, who also sits on the board of regents of Bastyr University in Seattle (the first naturapathic medical college in the U.S.).  I have some problems with his very vegetarian-biased and low-fat focus.  After reading Udo Erasmus' book "Fats that Heal; Fats that Kill" (Thanks to Jenny) and Taubes "Good Calories, Bad Calories" along with so much published by Chris Kresser, I worry about the people who preach low-fat diets.  But, we should have an understanding of the different lipid options and in what form they come, such as over heating and modified etc...  Also the hour that we consume them.  There's a wonderful cancer specialist from Spain, Dr. Alberto Marti Bosch who claims that we should avoid animal protein in the evening since it causes acidity, which is the #2 "friend" of cancer (#1 is glucose).  

I cook with fresh turmeric.  But, one thing you must understand is that the active ingredient in turmeric (curcumin) doesn't work without the active ingredient in black pepper (piperin).  So, when you purchase turmeric as a supplement instead of turmeric as a cooking ingredient (which makes it much more expensive) you must check the label to see if it has piperin).  When I cook with turmeric I automatically use black pepper too.

I'm assuming that your diabetes is Mellitus II, since you can't reverse Mellitus I.

Do you know what bacteria was found in your plaques?  Grimes mentions Helicobacter Pylori, Chlaymidia, possibly candida albicans and a certain Pneumococcus.

There is a risk with taking too much vitamin C.  Actually, I've read that the effective dose of Vitamin C is 500mgs per day; anything above that is waisted...  Taking 3,000mgs can cause certain mineral imbalances in the heart and arteries, such as copper, which is necessary for heart rhythm (if I'm correct) and for arterial/endothelial flexibility.  If I'm correct, copper is necessary for creating collagen/elastin which is extraordinarily necessary for preventing hardened arteries...  

I take (along with Aspirin, Effient and Nebolovol):

Coenzyme A
Coenzyme Q10
Selenium
Zinc
Arginine
Sunflower Lecithin
Vitamin C 500mgs
Omega 3 with 1,000IUs Vitamin D
Vitamin D 50,000IUs once per week
Fermented Cod Liver Oil
Melatonin 3mgs

And at least 6 tablespoons of ground flaxseeds per day...  

I found that red meat immediately raises my bp and that chicken causes sleep problems.  I imagine that the issue with red meat is something about the type of protein.  But some people wonder if it's a sensitivity to the hormones and other chemicals.  I try avoiding all conventionally raised meat/poultry.  But, Mexico is horrible for organic produced foods.  Most of my animal protein comes from fish (Spanish Mackerel, Chilean farmed salmon and non-Chilean sea bass) and fermented leche that I prepare in my kitchen.  I also prepare my own fermented red cabbage (sauerkraut) and Kimchi...  

I run at least 19 miles per week divided into 4 runs.  My diet is low carb (no refined carbs and no wheat products), no industrial vegetable oils, very little commercial products, no bacons/hams/cold cuts...  no canned or bagged goods.  Fortunately, my passion since adolescence is international cuisine and I'm very comfortable in the kitchen.  However, the problem with removing wheat products is that I am forced to exclude most Italian, middle-eastern , (Turkish/Arabic/Persian) and central Asian cuisine along with most East Asian cuisine (since Soy Sauce is prepared with wheat flour)... I don't eat white rice and brown rice here is a bit questionable...  I'm certain I was on the verge of becoming diabetic 2 years ago...

Due to my father, I don't have a colon or a rectum (preventative surgeries).  So, I may have some significant absorption issues that I'm certain affect my heart and what vitamins and minerals enter and stay in my body.  Lacking a colon causes hydration issues and also brings up the question of probiotics such as bifidobacterium.

Speaking of bifidobacterium:  Something that you MUST check into:  Enterolectones.  I don't know if Grimes mentioned it.  But it was found that those with the highest levels of enterolectones had the lowest level of cardiovascular disease and cancer.  Enterolectones are produced by bifidobacteria in the colon they produce from digesting plant lignans.  The #1 plant lignan precursor for enterolactone is Flaxseed.  

I'm certain that there is a lot more information I can share with you as my head clears.  However, at them moment I must get ready for my run.

Living in Seattle makes it incredibly necessary that you find a way to raise your vitamin D.  The best form is from the sun.  But, that's the problem of Seattle before and after July...  I dreamed of moving to Seattle.  But, when I was about to move to the Northwest, I suddenly took a turn to the extreme south, met my wife in my 3rd week in Mexico and I imagine I saved a few years of my life.  In late December I can get a tan running without a shirt for an hour here in Guadalajara.  I'm certain that if I had stayed in NYC, I wouldn't have lived to see my 40th birthday.

Keep in touch.

Me again 8 hours later:  Now that your cardiologist knows that you have the bacteria and fungus in your arteries did they put you on antibiotics to remove the problem of the bacteria and anything else that would remove the problem of the fungus?  Did they say anything about the relationship of the "two" in your plaques?  After reading the Grimes book, I would believe that your heart disease issue is an issue of bacteria and fungus and removing it would bring you healing...  

When my interventionist cardiologist did the angiogram/angioplasty, he didn't take samples of the plaque contents.  10 months later, I have a thousand times better understanding of heart disease and stent proceedures etc than I had when we saw the guy two days after the small heart attack... caused by what?  Looks like some sort of an allergic reaction.  But I also had some sort of a gum infection in the back of my mouth...  We had returned from 7 days on the coast/beach just north of Puerto Vallarta...  Strange time to have a heart attack; 12 hours after returning to the city 1,600 meters (5,200 feet) above sea level.  Two times when I mentioned the heart attack the day after returning from the Puerto Vallarta region friends said, "that's strange! Friends of mine and I went to the same place that same weekend and one of my friends also had a heart attack..." or "the day after returning to Guadalajara from Puerto Vallarta, the friend who was with me had a heart attack!"  In August my hair toxicity results came back with semi-high levels of mercury, lead, aluminum and uranium.  The river that passes next to Guadalajara and through its industrial zone and dumps into the Pacific Ocean just north of the highly touristic zone of Puerta Vallarta is considered the 3rd most contaminated river in Mexico...  Greenpeace and other environmental organizations have investigated and reported heavily on this Santiago River...  But, when I mention this to the doctors, they say, "we've never heard anything about this!"  My level of mercury toxicity puts me at a 30% higher risk for myocardial infarction...  

David Grimes mentions diabetes and a relationship with vitamin D levels.  I also believe he connects it with microbial infections although it could be that he was focussing more on Mellitus I.  If I'm correct, like cancer cells, bacteria also feeds greatly on glucose. For this reason, diabetics and "pre"diabetics tend towards developing infections frequently.  But, Grimes would say that Vitamin D deficiency leads to immunological deficiency which, in turn, leads to microbial overgrowth, regardless of glucose levels.  Granted, the glucose levels don't help.  However, maybe what truly comes first is an issue of lack of Vitamin D.  

Another thing: I've read repeatedly that the issue of Diabetes may be the same as the issue of Magnesium deficiency at the tissue level (not serum Magnesium).  Unfortunately, we can't test tissue content of magnesium here in Mexico.  But, you can have those tests done in the U.S.  You mentioned calcium going hand-in-hand with vitamin D.  If you read indepth about Magnesium you'll find that the three make a very interesting triad.  Magnesium and Calcium balance each other for muscle reactivity.  Magnesium relaxes the muscle while Calcium tenses it... So, if you have too much calcium in your heart, you will have high bp and maybe experience heart cramps.  Magnesium is a natural muscle relaxant and should lower blood pressure.  Three signs that you have a magnesium deficiency:  1) muscle ticks; 2) muscle cramps in the calve or the foot especially when you are asleep; 3) very dry mouth/unsatisfyable thirst (typical of diabetes).  

I take the Arginine for angina.  Breathing exercises help some.  When you hold your breath or you let the air out very slowly during the deep breathing exercises you are causing carbon dioxide to be maintained longer in the blood stream which, in effect, causes the production or release of more nitric oxide (the same thing prescribed for angina).  Since I worry greatly about the correctness of the information I share, I decided to look for some articles on the subject, although I didn't find what I had read a few months back.  This one is very interesting about the Buteyko Breathing Method:  http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2013/11/24/buteyko-breathing-method.aspx.  I noticed that Mercola mentioned that adequate levels of carbon dioxide in the body functions as an antibiotic.  Thinking about how we breath or what may cause us to breath poorly makes me think about childhood trauma (my father died suddenly when I was 4.5-years-old and the family entered into a horrible chaos.  I was diagnosed with his disease--Familial Adenamatous Polyposis--at the age of 12 and had my first preventative surgery--colectomy--at the age of 13.  Other things happened during my childhood.  But I will spare you.)  I mention this because a lot of things happen in the private lives of children that those children may bury in the attempt towards being "normal" and getting along in the world.  However, the stress from the buried events may resurface in how we relate to others or situations or affect how we breath especially in certain sitautions... How we breath may affect how our arteries function.  Mental stress can also cause acute inflamatory responses... For instance, why would my bp rise 30 points in a matter of seconds and then return to normal a few minutes later?  It couldn't be an issue of diet... cholesterol... saturated fats... not even the issue of an alergic reaction.  Hypertension treated with anti-hypertensives canNOT be the issue of sudden changes in the arterial walls.  It must be something else and be treated likewise... If it is a question of momentary stress or breathing changes, we must address that.  When I enter the cardiologists' offices, my bp automatically rises.  Why? Because I know we will be in conflict.  I hire them to listen to my medical history, symptoms, concerns, ideas and use their medical "expertise" to bring me to a better situation.  But, what I find is that they don't want to listen or think ("out of the box") and look at the situation as a medical-scientific puzzle needing solving.  I don't want them to take my pressure without looking at my blood pressure log that also mentions what I ate, how I slept, what happened during the day etc.  I don't want them to prescribe me 5 medications without truly knowing my blood levels or my physiological condition.  Should you prescribe a diarrhetic to a person without a colon?  Should you prescribe an anti-hypertensive that removes sodium from the body to a person with borderline-low or low sodium levels?  I have low testosterone levels.  Another thing you may wish for considering:  Testosterone shuts off the FMO3 gene that is responsible for the production of TMAO.  High levels of TMAO in the blood stream causes cholesterol stickiness.  So, if your testosterone levels are low, then it is probable that your TMAO levels are high.  This is a bit complex since it is believed that intestinal bacteria (especially the bacterial overgrowth called SIBO) produce TMAO after digesting animal protein.  So, what relationship would your or my gene and hormone have to do with TMAO produced by bacteria?  

While I'm still side tracked on this topic of non-cardiac issues that cause cardiac issues that maybe the cardiologists have no interest in considering:  For two years of almost monthly blood tests, the only aspect of my blood test results that does not improve with changes in diet and activities (such as exercise, relationships, sleep and work) is the Immunoglobin M (IgM) deficiency.  A few months ago I decided to do a search on IgM deficiency and cardiovascular disease and I came up with something very interesting:  IgM not only is responsible for preparing anti-bodies to attack foreign invaders, but it is responsible for removing from our arteries oxidized LDL cholesterol and apoptosed cells (cells that commited suicide when they find themselves mutated, poorly divided or cancerous)...  In Mexico there aren't tests for oxidized LDL.  But, if we know that the biggest risk of cardiovascular disease is not LDL cholesterol or total cholesterol but oxidized LDL cholesterol...  And the issue of plaques and blockages is that of not only dislodged blood clots but also any other "object" that can cause a "log jam", then my cardiologists should be worried that my IgM is not doing its job in removing oxidized LDL cholesterol and dead cells from my body.  This has nothing to do with what I eat.  Nor does it have to do with what they prescribe me.  Every day that they "control" my blood pressure and my blood thickness and platelet stickiness, while ignoring my IgM levels, my arteries are becoming increasingly filled with apoptosed cells and oxidized LDL cholesterol...  The next heart attack will occur because of an immunological issue, because they have no true interest in solving the problem.

But back to where I was headed:  It's easy to look at structural, bio-physiological and dietary issues.  But, what if the base of the problem is a series of difficult childhood experiences?  A few days after having the two stents placed in my heart I discovered this very interesting study:  http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4010612/ on childhood misfortune and Acute Myocardial Infarction.  Months later I stumbled across Dr. Sinatra's book "Heart Break and Heart Disease".  While he has gotten on my nerves over the past few months with all of the supplement sales his organization sends my email which makes him seem more a door-to-door salesman than a thoughtful cardiologist, I appreciate what he says in his book about how many people with unresolved interpersonal conflicts caused by childhood traumas die young of sudden heart attacks or not so sudden, especially those who have none of the markers that warn of heart disease or an impending heart attack...  

I'm going to leave you with this.  I'm certain that it is much more than you expected.  However, I think it is incredibly important that you understand that there are so many ways of looking at your experience... Maybe somethings I mentioned will strike a chord with you.  Maybe you will look at your exams differently.  Maybe you will see something in them that you hadn't seen before.  The idea is to find someone who is willing to consider what you see or know to be outside the traditional paradymn that may truly help reverse the negative process.  The Russian who created the Buteyko breathing technique was about to die from hypertension in his mid to late 20s.  He had bp readings of 220/110.  He died at the age of 80.  But, he didn't have stents in his heart arteries...  So it wasn't imperative that he find a cardiologist who truly cared about his situation and outcome.  The moment you are diagnosed with heart disease you become a statistic.  What do the statistics say about you?  What do your doctors believe about you as that statistic?  What are the probabilities?  I am certain that my cardiologist say, "we placed the stents in your heart to give you a few years free of a massive heart attack.  Isn't that enough for you?  What do you want?"  

Ironically, stents place us at greater risk of sudden blockage within 5 years...  It is almost guarranteed that my two stents, especially the medicated stent, will become blocked before the non-stented artery becomes blocked with a new plaque.  I learned this in the week after having accepted the proceedure...  Before having the stents placed, I never noticed experiencing angina.  Now I experience angina.  Before taking medication for preventing a future heart attack or heart failure, I never knew arrhythmia... Today it is a daily issue (not taquicardia but palpitations)...  It's not the doctors' faults.  They are doing what they are trained to do.  And, it seems that they were trained to not think scientifically.  

If your heart disease is microbial, how do you cure yourself?  Seems very basic, doesn't it?  If mine is immunologic, digestive and possibly endocrine (caused by childhood trauma), then I guess we have a pretty good idea how to address the process of finding a cure.  But, if the doctors don't want to understand this perspective...?

It doesn't matter if you have two young children or if I have a loving wife... It doesn't matter what is our economic situation/limitations.  This is not a Hollywood movie...  

Ross